You may know CoCo Brown from her music career, or perhaps her films. You may actually see CoCo Brown, and think to yourself that she looks so much like Adult Film star Honey Love that she could be Honey Love. You may even know CoCo as an astronaut in training.

If you said all to the above, then you’d know that CoCo Brown has a pretty extensive resume. Like most Ohioans, CoCo is an overachiever. She conquered the Adult Film industry in record time, leaving the industry as one of their highest paid actresses as both Honey Love and CoCo Brown. She’s received solid reviews as a rap artist, and yes, she is currently in training to be an astronaut.

With such an extensive resume and life experiences, how could this lady not have some great relationship advice to share? I had the opportunity to visit with CoCo, and I was very correct in my assumption. CoCo has a great point of view, ranging from porn to dating advice. There was a lot of laughter during our dialogue, and I’m sure you’ll figure when the chuckling happened:

Before we dive into relationships and dating advice, I wanted to discuss your upcoming Space mission. I heard you first interested in Space when you were a kid and watched the movie Space Camp.

CoCo Brown- Yeah! That’s true- isn’t that weird? I watched it in Ohio, of course. I never even thought that was a real place. You know, a place for kids to go and that there is a camp in space for them. I thought “Wow!”. I remember asking my mom a whole bunch of times if this was real, and if it was could I go. She would say, “If this were real, forget about it!”

What was it about Space that caught your attention?

After that, I always liked to watch things on the Discovery Channel, shows on the Cosmos and the Universe. I really love the guy with the crazy black hair that looks like he was electrocuted. I love him- he’s always so excited! And I love the Japanese guy! But my current situation with Space happened totally by accident. I was presented with this current opportunity by accident- it wasn’t like I went out searching for it.

How did it happen?

I got invited to a luncheon in Berlin. I had just moved to Berlin, and the invitation said that it was a “Space Luncheon”. I had no clue, there were really no details to the invitation, and I was invited at the last minute. The luncheon was for twelve people, and one cancelled, which is what opened the chair for me. I was late, and they were waiting for me. They started the presentation, and said that they wanted to present the opportunity for each of us to fly to Space. I was like “Are you serious? This is what this luncheon is about?”. I thought it was going to be a discussion about space. That’s how accidental it was, I had no clue.

Wow- that’s pretty incredible. Are they charging you for this?

Of course, but I think it’s worth every penny. It’s not a commercial flight, and I actually get to become an astronaut. Other people can fly commercial on a flight for six, but I get to train to be an astronaut because I am the co-pilot for the mission on a two-seater vessel.

I watched a video of your training in zero gravity. What’s the training been like?

It’s actually been pretty easy, but not easy. I have three more trainings coming up in September. I like the zero gravity training, but after the thirteenth time of up and down motion… and you have to do it 15 times. At the end, I just wanted to sit down- no after training pictures- just don’t touch me!

When’s lift-off?

March, 2015. This is why I need to get my training done! I’ve been so busy, and they helped me out by letting me do three back-to-back trainings in September. It will be very, very strenuous for me, but I’m going to do this back to back to back! It’s a very early morning thing- a crash course of what we’re doing. You learn from 6am to 7pm. So much information all at once! And then you have to go do it- bam! It’s intense.

What’s really important, besides the fact that you’re working to become an astronaut, is that you’re going to be the fourth African American in Space. How does that feel?

That makes me proud. It really does. In the beginning, that was never my thought- no hidden agenda behind it. Then people started to tell me, “Do you know?…”. I was like… “Really?” I thought there should have been more.

That’s exactly what I thought too!

So many African Americans have said to me how they would be scared to do it. I’m not at all scared about the trip itself. I’m only scared of not coming back or being eaten by an alien.

You’re also going to be the first adult film star in Space.

That’s very true.

I know you get asked a lot if you’re going to film a scene in Space, but what I really want to know…

…If I would have a baby with an alien? Why not? I’m good for it!

No, what I want to know is if you met an alien, what would you want him to know about the women of Earth?

I’m sure they already know. That’s how I kinda feel about it. There would be no direct message except I hope I’m not on the menu! I’m really serious- you remember the Twilight Zone? You know the episode “How to Serve Man”? You know! Classic!

You’re right! Being a main course isn’t good. But your movies are a main attraction. You were a major player in the adult film industry. You’re no longer making films?

No, I am not. Not since 2003. It’s weird. I get opportunities all the time. When I left the business, I was given the opportunity for another big production company in America. I was over it. I was more concentrated on a new business. I know a lot of people in the industry who had tried to flip-flop things. The American public doesn’t accept flip-floppers, so I had to make a decision. I was doing great in the industry, and I could have stayed, but I became more interested in pursuing music. I wanted to be dedicated and respected and to give music my all. And I was successful in the adult film industry. I was doing well. I made forty films in a short amount of time, received awards and well known. I was over it. I just stopped. I literally just stopped.

You made 40 films. Is there one film that’s a standout as the one you enjoyed the most making?

They were all the same for me. Yes.

Is there a stand-out that was bad?

You know what? If I say that it will be really weird, if I say this person’s name. He’s an icon in the industry now, but when I worked with him, he was a newcomer. Lexington Steele. Everyone knows who Lexington Steele is in the business. He’s been around forever- I think he’s like in the Porn Hall of Fame in Vegas. I didn’t realize he’s so out there now, a really well known person in the industry. But I swear to God when I worked with him he was terrible. He was terrible. He was a newcomer. He was nervous. We had to do a DP.

What’s a DP?

Double penetration scene. I’m like the DP Queen in Germany, I don’t know why. I would tell them in Germany, “Two DPs in one day aren’t happening anymore, got it?”. One time in a day- I didn’t like those things. It was like off- he was bad, and he was nervous.

You made films in the US and Germany, using your name and also the name Honey Love.

I had my American name, Honey Love, and my first film in Germany was under that name. Then I changed it to CoCo Brown for the second film. Under the name of Honey Love I was cranking them out. In Germany, the sets are bigger, there’s more of a crew. It’s like being on a real movie set. In America it’s more like a camera guy and that’s it. Maybe there’s a lighting guy. There are big studios in Germany that were made just for this. Of course the company I worked for was very popular.

In the height of your acting career, were you single?

I was married the whole time. OK… I was in the business maybe four months in America when I met my husband. I was offered the opportunity to be an exclusive girl a company in America. It was a decision of love or porn. I was in the business like four months, it really didn’t’ matter so I quit. I just quit, and moved with my husband to Germany.

Did your film career interfere with your relationship?

No one ever knew. Of course, the company I worked for in Germany knew- my husband helped me find it. I worked for a year in husband’s company, it wasn’t… it just didn’t work. I didn’t speak German. It didn’t work. He said that I was really good at sex and that I should consider going back to the industry. I was like “Really? You’d be ok with that?” and he was fine with it. He helped me find the company. I did two test films, one for Magma and the other was for Dolly for DBM. I chose DBM.

Have you heard stories of others in the Adult Film industry that had relationship problems because of their work?

I don’t know. I never really hung out with people in the industry. That was never my thing. I’m a different person. I was different from day one. I don’t think like they usually do, I have nothing against people in the industry, I just don’t think like they do. I didn’t have a reason to hang out with them on the down time. It was just work. I do my job, you do your job and we’ll make a great scene. That’s it.

You would grab your stuff and go home at the end of the shoot?

That was it. The one film I did for Magma was on location in Budapest. It was a little bit weird. You can ask people there and they’d tell you that I didn’t want to hang out with them. They would come to my room, drag me out, and I was the one that always left early.

It’s an Ohio thing- always leave first. I do the same thing. When you think about dating and relationships, what would your advice be to someone that cannot get over their break-up?

The one thing that I realized and came to terms with- it’s very easy to find someone, you know? I don’t dwell on anything. Anyone who knows me knows that I literally move on from that moment. It may sound bad, but I had a boyfriend within two weeks of me filing for divorce. It wasn’t like I was interested in that person before. It was just… you know what? You gotta move one. If you don’t want to be there, or if that person doesn’t want you, or you just can’t be there, you just move on.

How do you disconnect like that?

I’ve been like that my whole life. I think it’s the best way to be. To move forward. A lot of people find themselves stuck in one spot. I have no emotional feelings for something that doesn’t work. Why should I? I think everything happens for a reason.

What are your thoughts on getting back into the dating scene?

My main advice I give all the time is that men can smell on you if you’re carrying baggage or luggage or some kind of hardship and trial ship. This is why men always want the young girl because the girl hasn’t gone through that yet. Don’t forget to smile! Always smile because young girls always smile. They’re not worried about anything yet. They don’t have that emotional baggage of a man that’s hurt them or kids at home. Smile all the time. Smile.

That’s some of the best advice I’ve ever heard.

Just smile. As soon as you walk out that door, just smile. Even if it doesn’t mean anything because that man- he doesn’t know. He only looks at that smile, and that makes him want to talk to you. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you look like. A man will talk to a woman who smiles because he needs that courage. They will talk to you. That’s it.

Internet dating or meeting in person?

Online dating for me was weird because I had a lot of people coming to me. I thought they were coming to me because of… “oh shit! I know who that is!”. So I say meeting in person. It’s weird. When I meet a person I don’t say anything about myself. Who I am or what I’m doing or anything like that. But the moment they find out, they start thinking “That’s YOU? I’m gonna watch one of your movies!”. That’s one of the things I don’t like that.

Does your career in adult film rear it’s head a lot?

All the time. But I’ve had seventeen boyfriends since my divorce. It’s disgusting!

Oh, come on… you’ve got to save one for me!

Serious. I am never single. It sucks. And all of them say, “I’m her boyfriend, I’m her boyfriend” and it’s like “No, you are no longer my boyfriend, understand? We are not together anymore!”

If you’ve had seventeen boyfriends, how did you know when each relationship was over?

I’m always the decision maker. I just know when I’ve had enough. Because I was married for such a long time, usually I can look at a person and I start looking for qualities to see if they can be more than just me having fun with you… pretty much. I know what it means to be married to someone and to be in a long relationship. I understand how to accept these things with the right man. I can look at someone and say you’re not the guy. You’re cool, we can hang out, but I don’t like it that when we hang out you get drunk and pee in a fountain or kick over garbage cans. I don’t want to be married to a guy like that. And I’m not in the mood to change someone right now, so they can have their fun, do what they do and we can talk.

Do you have a boyfriend right now?

No, I don’t.

But it’s only 2:45 PM on a Friday- the day is just starting!

I get this a lot. I hear it from my son. He’s like “When’s the new boyfriend coming?”. I’m purposely not trying to find one. I was out last night with some girlfriends, and they were purposely trying to find men. And they were doing it all wrong- they know you’re desperate. They would leave for five minutes and come back to find me surrounded by men. They were like “What did you do?” and I didn’t do anything. It’s not what you do. You just stand there and you smile and act like a lady. And then the guys come over.

Besides your astronaut training and your music, what else is on the horizon for you?

I’m also doing DJ-ing now. Which is very fun, but it took me a while to decide to do it. Six months- it took me six months to decide on the Space travel, six months to decide to do porn, six months to decide to move to Germany- six months seems to be the magical number. I’ve been practicing the DJ thing, and I’m doing well. I already have shows booked. It’s hard- I don’t want to do a bad show. I’ve been practicing very hard. It’s me being a Virgo and wanting to make things right and knowing that within myself. I need to just take the first step. I just need to trust myself and just do it.

One small step for man…

Just do it. And if I mess up, I really hope someone tells me. I like it when someone tells me I’ve messed up things because I can learn. I like that. A lot of people don’t want to be told that they’re wrong or that they messed up. I like being told- it’s the only way to grow.

CoCo definitely left me with one to grow on… actually two. Her insight on handling the end of a relationship was highly interesting. Granted, a speedy sever might be unrealistic for many, but the dropping of a knife with the realization that the end of a relationship is the end of something that no longer works for you- be it because your Ex checked out or be it you cannot tolerate certain actions or behaviors- might just make the recovery of a break-up a little quicker. If only I had known CoCo a year ago, I might have had a six-month head start on my new accidentally single life.

Secondly, CoCo’s point about smiling is both so smart and so basic that it needs repeating. When putting yourself on the dating market, remember that potential dates don’t want to see damage. They aren’t looking for sadness, and they aren’t looking for someone who is not over their last relationship. They’re looking for someone who is open. They’re looking for someone who is fun to be with and has the potential to enhance his or her life. Your potential date is looking for joy, and your smile is the primary delivery system. The smile you give that potential great date is not only a welcome sign, but also the start of dialogue that might just keep you grinning ear to ear.

I did exactly what CoCo Brown told me to do. After our interview ended, I walked out her door, and I smiled. My smile wasn’t hiding any sadness or masking a bad day. It was a real one because I realized I had just made a groovy new friend.

Online dating is a lot of like late-night shopping on JCrew.com. All you need is an address, a mouse, and the ability to navigate from sweaters to khakis, or in this case from beefy blondes to suave brunets. One night I couldn’t sleep and not really needing a sweater, I decided to do some late night shopping for a date.

Seems Alan had the same insomnia and lack of needing a sweater. But Alan wasn’t a JCrew man at all- he was 100% Roots from Canada. At 6’6”, he had the total outdoorsman look down to a science. His photos showed lots of flannel and denim. There was even an action shot- Alan using an ax chopping down a tree on his property in New Hampshire. One picture even showed the three-day beard growth that amounts to a full beard for us hairy guys. Alan had that type of hyper-masculine energy that can be described as nothing less than a major turn on. He started a chat with me, and the text conversation was a lot of fun. He really seemed like a down to Earth guy with no pretention and lots of testosterone. I decided to close the deal on a date, asking him for coffee. He immediately accepted, and suggested we meet the next day. I jumped at it, and set a 5:15pm date at Starbucks.

4:30 pm came the next day, and I was in a meeting that went into overtime. I sent Alan a text telling him I’d be 15 minutes late. He was fine with it… or so I thought.

At 5:25 pm, I walked into Starbucks, and Alan scored a seat right by the door. He was sporting a thick five o’clock shadow, and blue sweater that accentuated his sculpted chest and rather large biceps. As I continued taking in Alan’s physicality, I noticed his jeans that looked as if they were tailored specifically for his muscular legs. And then I got to his boots. Brown leather, four-inch heels, and my guess was that they were from Nine West.

Alan pointed to his watch, and for a split second I swore I heard the voice of Marilyn Monroe say “You’re late!” as he pointed to the watch.

I was paralyzed. All I could think of was the Highlights for Children game where you had to circle what didn’t belong in the picture. I snapped out of it, shook his hand (which was the limpest handshake in the history of handshakes) and went to get a coffee. All I could think of were those women’s boots.

Alan and I conversed for about 45 minutes. It was a typical friendly conversation, where we learned a bit about each other. I asked him if he liked sports, and the answer was a quick and breathy “No!”. I told him that I like college football, and asked if he, as a Canadian, ever played hockey. “Oh no… hockey is violent,” he replied. I tried to find out what he did like to do, and all I could get was reading, working out and shopping.

Before the date ended, there was just one thing I had to find out- the one thing that I learned the night before that just didn’t match the man enjoying a cappuccino before me.

“I loved the picture of you chopping down a tree- how long did it take you to finish the job?” I asked, dying for the answer.

“Oh that… it was staged. I could never kill a tree! That’s just wrong.”

And with that, I learned all I needed to know about Alan. This was not going to be a love connection.

1Gr8Lesson
Shopping online for a date is really no different than clicking the “add to shopping cart” option on any fashion retail website. We like what we see, we pursue it, and when it arrives we try it on. Sometimes it fits, sometimes not. Maybe the color is just right, and maybe the colors are far different than what we saw on our monitor. In the case of my date with Alan, he simply didn’t match the message he put out there.

When using online dating websites as a source for dates, we really need to keep this concept in mind. There will be times that our date is a perfect fit, just like that JCrew sweater. And there will be times when the product we viewed doesn’t meet our expectations once it arrives. That’s ok- it happens. The important similarity to online dating and online shopping is that you can try it, and if it’s not a fit you can send it away. The challenge with this is not to let the lack of consumer satisfaction in the one instance sour you from the store. It’s inevitable that you will have some dates that fall far from the measure of a great date. Maybe their profiles weren’t reflective of the person having a coffee with you. Perhaps they even went as far to not be honest about their correct age or weight. Whatever the situation, you need to remember it’s like a JCrew sweater- you didn’t make the sweater, so there’s no reason to feel sad or defeated.

If you find yourself on a date with a version of an Alan, just remember that you can walk away. I even went as far as to be open and honest with Alan, telling him that I really didn’t think it was a “love connection”, wishing him luck in his pursuit of finding love.

Just walk away, and continue shopping.

I didn’t think twice saying yes when Jeremy asked me out. He was the full package and then some… tall, blond, smart, successful and funny. We met online, and after a few days of chatting he invited me to meet him for a drink.

We arranged to meet for a late happy hour cocktail. When I arrived at the designation, Jeremy was everything I expected- and more. I could officially add charming, sexy and a great dresser to the list of positive qualities this man possesses.

As the evening progressed and one cocktail turned into two, Jeremy became extremely comfortable with sharing information about himself and his family. He told me how his father had passed away a few years earlier. He told me about his mother, who seems like a really great lady. As I was drinking my second Heineken, Jeremy ordered what I believed to be his third Scotch. As he drank, he loosened up even more and shared even more.

“My brother is an alcoholic. He lost his job, his wife and lives with my mom. He had to be hospitalized last weekend, but he’s home now,” said Jeremy. Having several friends that have faced this challenge, I conveyed my understanding and wished his brother the best in his recovery.

I was still working on my Heineken when Jeremy ordered his fourth. This was when the sharing poured quicker than Glenlivet into a jigger.

Jeremy took a sip and said, “The weekend before, my brother got so drunk he hit on our first cousin. She was cool with it, but it really pissed me off.”

That was way more than I needed to know on a first date. With each sip, Jeremy’s charm, intelligence and sexiness melted quicker than the ice cubes in his drinks.

“Alcoholism runs ramit… rampis… RAMPID in my family. We’re Irish.”

At that point, I realized if I continued this date, Jeremy would say too much to the bartender by asking for another bourbon. By ending the date, I might spare him a worse hangover than he has already given himself, not to mention spare the good people of Ireland any further detrimental stereotyping. I said my goodbyes, secured that he had a way home, and bolted faster than you could say boozehound.

The next morning, I received a text from Jeremy. He apologized for saying too much. Never said a word about the drinks or what I perceived as the dilly of a hangover he had to be nursing. I wished him only the best for his family, and told him that I wouldn’t be interested in a second date.

1Gr8Lesson
I’ve always been a big believer in maintaining your capacities while enjoying a date. Overdrinking can lead to a lapse of judgment in your own behavior, however it’s as important not to diminish your capacity to notice the behavior of your date. Overdrinking at the beginning of dating doesn’t bring anything positive to foster the essential communication needed to build a foundation for a relationship.

The story of Jeremy’s brother and the history of alcoholism in his family is a situation to process, and in my opinion is not one that’s necessarily a deal breaker. However, when your alcohol-infused date delivers this sort of information on a first outing, it’s a turn-off.

When it comes to dating and drinking, keep it at a two-drink maximum with choices limited to beverages with low alcohol content. I suggest seasonal drinking while dating. Summer is great for a glass of Pinot Grigio and Autumn is perfect for a beer. Winter brings a glass of Multipulciano and Springtime calls for a Chardonnay. It’s a simple rule to follow to avoid dating with booze-tinted glasses.