Monthly Archives: October 2015

D8 with Mikey, not Mike

There should be a warning label on email because opening email can be hazardous to your mental health. This was proven when I opened a missive sent by Mike.

Hey Craig- It’s Mike from Match.com. We spoke back in March, and we never had a date.                                 I’d like to fix that if you’re still on the market. Hope you are!

My gut reaction was that if a guy remembered me from eight months ago from an online dating profile I discontinued, I should give him a shot. After all, I did share my email address with him so I must have been somewhat interested.

So I gave him a shot.

Hi Mike- yes, I’m single and sure, I’d be happy to meet you for a drink!

I met Mike for a drink. He was a good-looking New Yorker with an interesting career and exceptionally well traveled. Like me, Mike was out of a long term relationship for a couple years and was open to pursuing a new commitment. He liked shopping at Lord and Taylor, uses his gym membership, and wouldn’t say no to a well-prepared burger.

And that’s where the similarities came to a screeching halt.

I was very happy to be on a date with someone that was not afraid of talking, but some of the things he was saying left me more frightened than visiting a haunted house filled with hungry zombies, a couple past dates and several Presidential candidates. Here’s a small sample of my fright night conversation.,,

I don’t date minorities- not a fan of their culture.

 I had this horrible date last week… an Israeli. I had no idea he was Jewish or I would have never gone on the date. Don’t date the Jews.

 I’m not a supporter of gay marriage- it’s not G-d’s will.

With each word spoken, Mike morphed into Mikey, the kid who hates everything.

As I continued to listen to his list of things he didn’t like, I couldn’t help but wonder how much fun he’d have celebrating Hanukkah with my friends and family, which include people with varied skin tones, accents and beliefs. I also wondered if he ever enjoyed Cuban food, sang along to a Four Tops song or thought about the federal and state taxation breaks that are extended to married couples. I had no choice but to respond, and did so in the kindest and most respectful way possible…

Well, Mike, I really don’t believe we have a lot in common. Marriage is my end game, I couldn’t imagine how boring my life would be without multicultural friends and exposure to their experiences, and like Bette Midler said in the movie “Stepford Wives”, I can spell “Big Jew” on my front lawn with pinecones.

Mikey’s date-ending response was short and sweet, delivered after taking a swig of his Bud Light.

 “It seems we’re on the same bridge, but in two separate cars going in opposite directions.”

I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the first time he said those words, and I highly doubt it will be the last.

You have to try a lot of cereal before you can find the right flavor and texture that will make your mornings perfect.
You have to try a lot of cereal before you can find the right flavor and texture that will make your mornings come to Life.

1Gr8Lesson

One aspect of dating that is not fun is the disappointment of a first date that doesn’t lead to a second. The disappointment that comes with not making a connection can cut you like a switchblade.

Disappointment, unfortunately, comes with the turf.

The reality of being on the dating scene is that you have to be ready to accept disappointment. You have to feel it and move on to the next opportunity. Just because you experienced a near miss frog kiss doesn’t mean that your mission to find the one is derailed by one lousy date. I’m sure Mikey from cereal commercials of yore had to endure several bowls of cereal before he found the one that gave Life.

When you’re on the dating scene, you’ve got to remember it’s a numbers game- the more you date, the chances increase that you’ll meet the one sooner than later. You can’t allow a series of bad dates discourage you because you really have no control over what your date is bringing to the table. What you can control is how you respond to the disappointment- don’t allow it to take hold of you and plan another date. Who knows… your next one might just be two scoops of greatness.

Advertisements

D8 with the Snazzy Sweater

At the beginning of Summer, I made the decision and the suggestion to consider taking a break from online dating and try to meet people in “real life, in-person situations”. Summer has turned to Autumn and as I slowly trade my shorts for my sweaters, I’m continuing the offline mission.

A recent Friday night of mine was booked with Jackson. I met this man at Gym Bar, a Manhattan hangout complete with a pool table, televisions set to sports channels and men in outfits ranging from suits to workout attire. When it comes to meeting a diverse group of men, a gay sports bar is a sure ticket that will hopefully lead to Dateville.

Jackson definitely stood out in a crowd. With a full beard and standing at 6’5”, Jackson was an eye catcher, and a poster child for lumberjack hotness. We had a nice conversation- definitely not the flirtiest or the funniest- but it was nice conversation. Maybe it was the sparkle in his eye or maybe the hint of a Southern accent, but there was something definitely interesting about him. He asked me to dinner, and of course my answer was yes.

As I was walking on that crisp Friday night to the restaurant to meet him, I thought about our past conversation. I could remember very little…. was this a bad sign?

Jackson was every bit as handsome as I remembered. And tall… very, very tall. We sat down, ordered our meal, and the waiter walking away was our cue to begin an exciting and stimulating conversation. Within two minutes I was bored.

I made several attempts to get the conversation going. “Tell me about your job”… “What are your favorite things to do in Manhattan?”… “Any fun summer vacations?”… His answers to all were rather dull, lacking enthusiasm and personality.

It wasn’t until I asked “How long have you lived in New York?” that things got somewhat interesting. Jackson arrived in the 90’s too, and this took our conversation to Manhattan of the 90’s, which is always interesting to me. We talked about restaurants like Universal Bar and Grill and bars like Splash and Private Eyes. When I mentioned Club USA, he smiled and said that he was a bouncer there.

Figures he was a bouncer- tall, good-looking and a man of very few words.

When the waiter asked if we wanted to try one of their pumpkin spice desserts, I said no and asked for the check. We paid and left. Jackson gave me hug and headed East and I made my way Uptown. It wasn’t said, but like the cool breeze that was bringing Fall to Manhattan, it was obvious that this was in no way a love connection.

Lots of sweaters from which to choose... sometimes you have to try on several before finding the perfect fit.
Lots of sweaters from which to choose… Sometimes you have to try on several before finding the perfect fit.

1Gr8Lesson

Dating is a lot like shopping for sweaters. Sometimes we see a wool sweater with a fantastically attractive design. It beckons us to try it on, and when we do we discover the sweater fits a little on the baggy side. Then we spot a nice blue V-neck, a total classic yet simple staple that never goes out of style.

Do we walk by the V-neck or do we give it a chance?

I wanted a date with Jackson just because he was great looking. I was guilty of trying on the amazing sweater, and at the time I made no apologies for it. I still make no apologies, even though my choice in sweater made me itch from boredom. By choosing the great looking Jackson, it made me wonder if I overlooked a sweater that might not have been as snazzy but may have been more my style.

It’s easy to get caught up in the exterior appearance of a potential date. Who wouldn’t want to walk into a party with a model or an athlete? The challenge is finding that person with the external looks that jazz us, but also with the smarts and the heart that keeps us interested.

The next time you’re “date shopping”- be it online or out in the field, keep in mind the whole package of a potential date. Maybe your future date is the snazzy sweater, or perhaps if you keep looking through the displays you’ll find that classic V-neck that’s just the right fit.

1FineArticle… SW Experts!

Kindly check out my latest article on SW Experts!  I’m sure you’ve had a friend or seen a celebrity that looks amazing after their break-up.  Do you think their transformation was based on revenge?  Or do you think their appearance is the result of the hard work they put into getting their life back?  Take a look and see my perspective!

Did a break-up lead you to a new look or new fitness routine?  Let me know!

And for updates, don’t forget to follow me on Twitter!  @CraigRogersNYC  And I’ll follow you back because I want to know all about your 1FineD8!

BREAK-UP-TO-BOMBSHELL-IS-IT-REALLY-REVENGE.png

BREAK-UP-TO-BOMBSHELL-IS-IT-REALLY-REVENGE