Category Archives: #Tinder

D8 with the Man without a Face

#Date, #dating, #datingadvice, #datingandage, #datingfail, #datingprofile, #datingvideo, #Eharmony, #firstdate, #firstdateadvice, #JDate, #match.com, #okcupid, #onlinedating, #relationshipadvice, #relationships, #Tinder, #TinderFail, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Photos play an integral part in online dating success, and the photo of “Ed” left a lot to be desired. I could see a camel, a lot of sand and a little spot of a man riding the camel. It was the only picture “Ed” posted in his very well written profile. Because of his ability with words, I decided I would respond to his email.

“Ed” was a good conversationalist in the online chat, however he seemed to be very guarded and rather nervous. My experience told me that when a man exhibits extreme cautious communication, he’s most likely in a relationship and looking for some side action. “Ed” swore he was single; his challenge is that he is deeply closeted. His guard was up stronger than the Royal Guard on point at Buckingham Palace. In spite of holding his cards closely, I learned that we did have some things in common and he was within the age range of my dating pool.

Is the fact that “Ed” was so deeply in the closet a reason not to go on a date with him?

I agreed to meet him for a drink at the rooftop at the Peninsula, one of my favorite hotel bars in Manhattan. The spot of a man riding a camel turned out to be quite dashing, complete with a winning, welcoming smile. The conversation with “Ed” was very pedestrian- travel, food, and Manhattan neighborhoods. Nothing too deep, until I decided to grab my trusty shovel.

“So “Ed”, you seem to be rather guarded. Witness protection, huh?”

“Oh no… I’m just not out. Nobody knows I’m gay,” he responded with a nervous chuckle.

“You might be surprised. Good looking single man in his 50s can set off the “bet he’s gay” alarm”, I responded. “Besides, it really doesn’t matter because you’re on a gay dating site and it’s 2016 so there’s really no reason to be fearful.”

“I disagree. People think I’m straight, and I like that.”

“I see. And you like that. Is your name really “Ed”?”

He didn’t answer, which I believe was an answer. “Ed” didn’t budge in his resolve; he set up residency in his closet and he wasn’t coming out for me or for anyone.

an illustration of a faceless man in a business suit
Putting your best face forward on a date means allowing your date to see you both inside and out.

I FineLesson

As we wrap up Pride Month, it makes me sad that there are some gay people out there that still can’t publicly own the fact that they’re gay. It makes me sad to acknowledge that there are some people- regardless of sexual orientation- that aren’t fully embracing the magic that is them. It just makes me sad that people don’t embrace their own personal truth, whatever that truth may be.

If we can’t love ourselves, how can we fully expect to find someone to love us?

I know I’m sounding a little like RuPaul, but it’s a message that needs constant repeating. When beginning your journey in the dating scene, you need to do so with a full arsenal. By that, daters need to enter the arena knowing with certainty that they’re already in love with themselves. Daters need to embrace every facet of themselves, from their looks to their career. Self-love leads to confidence, and confidence is key.

Dating is really no different than selling. You’ve got to believe in the product that is you, or you’re going to remain on the shelf.

“Ed” obviously doesn’t fully believe in his product. He doesn’t accept himself on a basic level, and with that he will likely remain alone on the long term. Unless he finds someone identical in mindset, I believe he will likely remain single.

My hope is that all daters believe in the product that is them. Believe it so much that you deeply want to shout it from a rooftop. Trust me, it may take some time, but the perfect customer will hear.

D8 with the Man (next) Whore

#coffee, #Date, #dating, #datingadvice, #datingfail, #datingprofile, #Eharmony, #firstdate, #firstdateadvice, #JDate, #match.com, #okcupid, #onenightstand, #onlinedating, #relationshipadvice, #relationships, #Tinder, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

My last couple months have been dedicated to the adventures of moving and setting up a new home. Going on dates was back burnered for the main activities of organizing my new kitchen and painting every room. The only conversations I had with men were those burly straight guys at Home Depot on the ready with advice on paint, flooring and lighting. Granted, they were great guys displaying an exceptional commitment to my purchases but were not likely interested in enjoying the view of my antique chandelier that hangs right above my bed.

As spring temperatures quickly turned to that of summer, I received a notification from OK Cupid that I had a message from an interested suitor. Howard’s profile was very nice- a little different from others I had dated. He wasn’t tall, didn’t work in Manhattan, and owned a cat. He wasn’t the best looking or most stylish, but there was something about Howard that just made him… dare I say… exceptionally sexy. And here’s the kicker… Howard lives within walking distance from my new home.

Seeing that this very well may be the new gay version of Welcome Wagon, how could I not respond?

Howard and I exchanged a few flirty text messages; enough to prove that a date with him was definitely worth the time away from a paintbrush and unpacking boxes. We decided to meet up at my StarOffice- the Starbucks in Westfield.

“You live down the street, I’ll pick you up or you can pick me up,” suggested Howard.

“Great thinking,” I responded. “Happy to pick you up!”

I went to Howard’s at our agreed-upon time. It was an easy drive, seeing that I’ve driven by his house countless times three mornings a week at 5am on my way to spin class. Seeing Howard in person was very interesting. He was still not the most handsome, not the best dresser, and a little chubby. But man, he was pretty damned sexy.

“Where did you park?”

“Right there- on the street.”

“You could have parked in the driveway, silly.”

From doorway to car to Starbucks and back, Howard and I talked nonstop. He was very smart, funny, and didn’t miss a beat in the conversation. One beat in particular stood out as most interesting…

“So Howard, why do you think you’re still single?”

“I’m in no rush to settle down- when it happens, it happens. If it happens.”

“Good answer… but it can be lonely sometimes being single. How do you deal with that?”

“I never get lonely. I have lots of… friends.”

I thought to myself, I have lots of friends too. But based on his tone I think his “friends” may bring a little extra to the table than mine…

After a very pleasant goodnight kiss in his driveway, Howard invited me in. I declined because I knew exactly where that would lead. Howard understood.  I suggested we get together again. Howard totally agreed.

And I totally never heard from Howard again.

Cars-6
Be it oil stains on the driveway or notches on a bedpost, It’s up to you whether you want to be a conquest or a keeper.

I FineLesson

The interesting thing about a first date with the man next door is what happens when you don’t have a second date. You ask yourself, “What happens when I run into him at the local grocery?” or “What happens if we’re at the same neighborhood party?”. It could prove awkward, to say the least. Even without a post-first date run in, I still had to drive by his house three days a week.

What did I see three mornings a week at 5am? A driveway with a different car parked in it every time… sometimes multiple cars.

Seems Howard’s driveway sees more traffic than the exit ramp to Terminal C at Newark Liberty Airport.

Howard was in no hurry to settle down because he was getting more action than a Baldwin Brother in the 90’s. And you know what? Good for him! It was the perfect relationship for Howard, and he was obviously happy. Does Howard’s idea of a relationship mirror mine? Absolutely not, but it doesn’t make Howard a bad person.

When it comes to relationships, everyone has expectations and ideas as to what a relationship means. The key is finding that someone with expectations and ideas that come pretty damned close to yours.

Obviously Howard wasn’t a match, but thanks to the first thing he said on our date and his intention at the end, I know without doubt that I was given an invitation to park my car in his driveway. It was my choice not to park.

I’m more than happy with my resolve to keep driving until I find that parking place that says “Reserved”.

D8 with the Trigger Finger

#breakup, #breakuprecovery, #Date, #dating, #datingadvice, #datingfail, #datingprofile, #firstdate, #JDate, #match.com, #relationshipadvice, #relationships, #Tinder, #TinderFail, Breakup Advice, Breakups, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Mickey Roark and Kim Basinger showed us that you can really jam a lot into 9½ Weeks. I recently learned firsthand how possible it is to fit quite a bit into that time frame, however I can safely say that Mickey (as John) and Kim (as Elizabeth) had a much better time.

It’s always a good thing to have a summer boyfriend, and Gregory entered my picture in late April- precisely the right time to make that goal happen. He was unlike anyone I’ve ever dated… the stereotype of the jaded New Yorker. A little on the quiet side, a lot on the grumpy side, but when he smiled he lit up the room. I really enjoyed spending time with Gregory because under the hard exterior was a soft creamy center that was wanting to see the light of day.

About two weeks into dating, Gregory suggested we be exclusive. I was totally down with that, seeing that I know my shortcomings and juggling isn’t one of my strong suits. With two weeks down and exclusivity on the table, I figured I accomplished the impossible… I scored a summer boyfriend!

With time comes knowledge, and as the days turned into weeks, I learned a lot about Gregory. Some great things, and some not so great things about this funny grumpster came to light.

When it comes to learning about the not so great things about your date, how do you handle it when the bad outweighs the good?

As three weeks turned into seven, Gregory started to be a little more grumpy and a lot less funny. He became more of a homebody and less interested in exploring the fun offerings of a New York summer. As seven weeks turned into nine, he was barely interested in doing anything, and conversational topics were always with a negative slant. Be it the news or his career, nothing seemed to make Gregory smile that winning smile that one me over weeks before.

Let’s be honest, in nine weeks Gregory learned things about me he didn’t like either. He hated my work schedule, and the fact I was a dedicated workaholic that enjoys being busy. He didn’t like my perkiness in the morning, and that my perkiness tended to increase with each cup of Starbucks I enjoyed during the day. He really disliked my desire to enjoy a cigarette or ten, even though I never smoked in front of him.

And let’s be honest about one more thing… I knew it was time to pull the trigger and part ways with Gregory. The “how” was the tedious part.

Thankfully Gregory pulled the trigger first. Over a beer in a bar, he said that we shouldn’t see each other. Granted, I was rather surprised he pulled the trigger first because taking initiative wasn’t one of his strong suits since week two of our relationship. I wished him the best of luck and bolted.

As I walked away I knew he wasn’t like John in 9½ Weeks in many ways, but specifically in wanting me to turn around in 50 seconds. The only person that wanted me to keep walking more than Gregory was actually me.

I was definitely not Elizabeth. Not a tear was shed as I walked on that lively Manhattan street. I smiled to myself, knowing that I had what it takes to invest in a new relationship, but also had the smarts not to settle for a someone that’s the wrong one.

Pulling the trigger may end something, but it signifies the beginning of your new search for 1FineD8!
Pulling the trigger may end something, but it signifies the beginning of your new search for 1FineD8!

1FineLesson

Kenny Rogers said it best… “You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em. Know when to fold ’em.  Know when to walk away, and know when to run.”

As we begin a relationship journey with a prospective “forever partner”, the learning process is one that’s longer than just ten dates. It may even be longer than ten months. The process of discovering the intricacies and building a bond with someone is an important one that shouldn’t be shortchanged. It’s not like test driving a car or trying on a shirt. This process is one that you’re entering into with lifetime intentions.

As we learn more and more about a prospective life mate, it’s without question that we’ll discover aspects that don’t thrill us. We will see them grumpy, sad and even sometimes under the weather- things typically not experienced on the first few dates. We will see how they handle stress, celebrate joy, and if they leave the toothpaste cap open or closed. We will learn how they interact with their friends and family, and we’ll get to hear how they interact with strangers as they meet your friends and family.

Here’s the challenge… how many of those “not so great aspects” does it take to create a “not so great partner”?

This is where I have no concrete answer for you because it’s an answer that only you can determine. There will always be things about our partners that irritate us, but at the end of the day, their body of work supersedes the handful of things we don’t like. But if those not so great things outweigh the positives, then you have no choice to make like the Gambler and walk away.

And don’t make the mistake of thinking that walking away is a defeat.  

You gave it your all, and if you didn’t invest the time in the person you would never know if they were or were not the one. I don’t look at my 9½-week investment in Gregory as time poorly spent or a colossal mistake. It was a necessary thing to see if he was someone with which I could build a future. He wasn’t, and pulling the trigger is the ticket to finding a new someone that will make my heart go “bang”!

1FineArticle… Smarter Dating!

#Date, #dating, #datingadvice, #datingfail, #datingprofile, #firstdate, #JDate, #match.com, #onlinedating, #Tinder, #TinderFail, , , , , , , , ,

Check out the article I wrote for Smarter Dating!

Has your date earned a 4-F classification? Find out what a 4-F is,  and get some ideas as to how you respond!

Let me know how you’ve handled a 4-F!

http://www.smarterdating.co.uk/encountering-the-4-f-date/

D8 with Dr. Kavorkian

#dachshunds, #Date, #dating, #datingadvice, #datingfail, #datingprofile, #firstdate, #JDate, #match.com, #onlinedating, #relationships, #Tinder, #TinderFail, , , , , , , , , ,

I confess… one standout in Paul’s JDate profile was that he owned a shoe company. Besides being cute, he was involved in something I love almost as much as shirts. And I also confess that besides his work in an industry where I would gladly accept samples or a substantial discount, he seemed like a perfect date for me. I sent him a message of interest, and he responded immediately. Plans for a drink were promptly made.

Now that I was going on a date with the Shoe Guy, what shoes should I wear?

I agreed to meet at a cute bar in the West Village. Paul was very handsome; his pictures didn’t do him one bit of justice. We ordered a couple beers and started a very fun conversation. In a short amount of time, we discussed our high school years (he was totally Blaine in Pretty in Pink), our college years (he was totally Pinto in Animal House) and what our overall New York experience has been (and mine was by far much more interesting). Of course, we talked about shoes. He liked my Cole-Haan loafers.

We were laughing and never missing a beat in the conversation except to order another round of beers. About an hour into our date, Paul asked me about travel. He said that he loves visiting Europe and Asia for work, but he’d rather be on a beach. Just one more thing we had in common.

“So where was your last vacation?” Paul asked. “Wow… I guess it was last month when loaded the boys in the car and drove to visit my parents in Pinehurst.” I responded.

With that, our conversation missed a beat… actually two heartbeats.

“You have kids?” asked a puzzled Paul. I was even more puzzled at the question, as my profile says I have no kids, but I do have two dachshunds.

“Only of the furry variety. I have two dachshunds”

“Oh… I had no idea you had dogs.”

“I mention them in my profile. Didn’t you see that?”

“Hmmm…. guessed I missed that.”

And with that, the shoe dropped. It was the first silent moment of our date. I took a really big sip of my beer, before I eliminated the silence and asked the next question. “I take it you don’t like dogs?” There was nothing that could prepare me for his answer.

“How old are yours, and what is the life expectancy of a dachshund?”

I think at that moment I might have had a mini stroke, not that I need any neurological reason or excuse to explain my lack of censorship in my speech.

“You didn’t just fucking ask me that.”

At this point the shoe man was shaking in his boots. “Well…. I’m not a fan of dogs,” he said. Not everyone likes dogs, and that’s ok, but to bring up life expectancy to one who does is a fatal error when that one is your date.

“Well I’m not a fan of planning their cremation. I did that once in the last year already, and I’m hopefully done for a while.”

“You had THREE?” he asked, seemingly in shock that some people do own more than one dog. At that point I was done with answers, done with questions, and done with Paul.

“You know, Paul, I’m really glad you liked my pictures, but I’m a little sad that you didn’t really read my profile… or at least comprehend what you read.”

And with that, I walked out of the cute West Village bar. I couldn’t help but smile thinking about how I would be soon greeted with wagging tails, licks and barks by my two little guys who aren’t really into shoes.

We were here first, and we're not going anywhere!
We were here first, and we’re not going anywhere!

1Gr8Lesson

Dachshunds are short, and so it the lesson of this not so fine date…

If you’re using an online dating site as a tool to meet people, read their profile. If you like them, make like Santa Claus and check out the profile twice!

It’s staggering to me that people would go on a date sourced online and not fully read that person’s profile. Sure, we can be in a hurry and miss a few facts, but I believe (thanks to my bestie from College who’s a third grade NYC School Teacher whose responsibilities include teaching reading comprehension to children) that reading comprehension is not an impossible task… if you REALLY want to learn about someone.

Think of reading your online date’s profile as a prelude to the novel that is your date. The date is where you listen, ask and share, and based on that you’ll decide if you want to keep on reading.

Besides being an absolute jerk regarding the future demise of my furry beasts, what Paul really said was that he didn’t care enough to really learn about me. That’s pretty much a deal breaker in itself. Questioning the lifespan of a dachshund was simply icing on the deal breaker cake.

***Be sure to follow me on Twitter (@CraigRogersNYC) and please take a moment to like the 1FineD8 Facebook page (www.facebook.com/1FineD8)!***

1FineArticle- SW Experts

#dachshunds, #Date, #dating, #datingadvice, #datingfail, #datingprofile, #firstdate, #JDate, #onlinedating, #Tinder, #TinderFail, , , , , , , , ,

Here’s a link to my latest article on SW Experts!

We all want to lose weight fast, but what about losing date fast?  Here are five things to avoid before and during your first date that will reduce the chances of you losing date fast!

Pay attention to Point Three… you’ll be reading more about that one… stay tuned!

And as always, please let me know what your think!  And please take a moment and like the 1FineD8 Facebook page (www.facebook.com/1FineD8) and follow on Twitter- @CraigRogersNYC

http://www.theswexperts.com/how-to-lose-a-date-fast/

LoseDateFast

D8 with Dolly the Sheep

#Date, #dating, #datingadvice, #datingandage, #firstdate, #lookalike, #match.com, #onlinedating, #relationships, #Tinder, , , , , , , , , , ,

My four-year college experience included setting my class schedule around the NBC soap Another World. I was hooked on the happenings of Bay City with its glamorous citizens like Felicia Gallant, Donna Love and Iris Cory Carrington Delaney Bancroft Wheeler. In one plot twist, it turned out that Donna Love’s sister Marley was actually her daughter, and that her daughter had a long lost twin named Vicki! Talk about a scandal rocking the Bay City Country Club- it was as if Marley had been cloned, just like Dolly the Sheep.

I received a Match.com notification that a New Yorker named Alan was interested in me. When I opened up his profile and saw his picture, I couldn’t help but think of Marley and Vicki. Looking into Alan’s blue eyes, the red hair with flecks of white… it was like discovering that my favorite Ex had a long lost twin, or had been cloned, just like Dolly the Sheep.

What is it saying if I date a man that’s a dead ringer for my Ex?

Alan had a really entertaining and well-written profile. On paper, he was definitely someone I’d be interested in meeting, but those pictures! The similarity was uncanny. I decided to verify that my suspicions were correct by forwarding his picture to my two best friends… and my mom. 100% confirmation was received. Knowing that the likeness wasn’t in my head, I had a choice to make- to date or not to date Dolly the Sheep.

I decided to give Alan a go, a decision from which there was no turning baaaa-ck.

We met at a cute Italian place in the Village. He was unbelievably friendly. Funny and smart too. So far, this look-alike had a lot in common with my Ex. As the conversation continued I discovered the myriad of differences that somehow infused Alan during the cloning process. Alan was a Type-A workaholic and very intense. The quiet strength that my Ex possesses was replaced by Alan’s loud and boisterous dialogue. This was evident when we discussed our favorite Broadway shows. Alan was very quick to say “Loved it!” or “Hated it!” whereas my Ex has the skill sets to explain why the production was a hit or a miss, and can do so with accuracy, precision and fact. Much like Vicki and Marley, and probably likely Dolly the Goat and her “parent”, the two individuals were just that- totally individual.

The bottom line- Alan may have a similar look, but the differences between he and my Ex were numerous. In all, my date with Alan was a good one. There was a spark that warranted a second date, which in fact happened.   And that has led to a third, and I’m sure the dates will continue. I’m not sure where this will lead, but I’m sure of one thing. If I allowed myself to discount Alan based on his looks, I would have missed out on meeting a great guy.

Would you date someone that looks a lot like your Ex? Join the discussion on Twitter! @CraigRogersNYC
Would you date someone that looks a lot like your Ex? Join the discussion on Twitter! @CraigRogersNYC

1Gr8Lesson

When we have the opportunity to date someone that looks a lot like our Ex, I believe the trepidation we face is that people will think we’re simply in re-casting mode. We’re afraid that people may think that we haven’t gotten over the original so we simply found a stunt double. In some cases that may be the reality, but oftentimes it isn’t. Perhaps the similarity in look is just a total coincidence, like my situation with Alan.

The book covers may look similar, but the story content will be drastically different.

Getting to know Alan was a lot of fun, and the more I learned about him the more I realized that he was so not my Ex. Two very different personalities and two very different backgrounds; the clone may have similar physical attributes but once you dug beneath the surface, the differences were obvious. So much so in fact that the more I continued looking at Alan, the more he looked like Alan and less like my Ex. Sure, the hair was the same, the face was similar, but the sparkle in Alan’s eye was quite different than that of my Ex (and believe me, my Ex’s eyes sparkle!).

I should have had my library card revoked if I turned down the opportunity to check out this new book.

If you find yourself in this position, I suggest giving Dolly the Goat a chance. The sooner you get past the look, the sooner you can dive in to learning about the person. Who knows- it could lead to creating a whole new chapter!

D8 with the 76th Trombone

#agedifference, #Date, #dating, #datingadvice, #datingandage, #firstdate, #may/december, #onlinedating, #relationships, #stephenfry, #Tinder, , , , , , , , , , ,

Since the dawn of tabloid time, we’ve read and sometimes witnessed celebrity May/December relationships. Dyan Cannon and Cary Grant paved the Age-Difference Highway so others like Alec Baldwin, Calvin Klein and Mary Kate Olsen could navigate freely with their partners in spite of decades of age differentiation.

Lately, a lot of press has been given to actor Stephen Fry and his engagement to Elliott Spencer. We have no idea where they are registered or who is catering the reception. What we do know is that there’s a 30-year age difference. What we also know is that some perceive Fry as a creepy old man and Spencer as a gold digging opportunist. The Age Difference Highway may give these couples a passage, however it’s one that’s paved in questioning, doubt and speculation by others.

I admit, I would be guilty of holding the same perception about couples with an extreme age difference, if it weren’t for the 76th Trombone.

When I met Albert for coffee, my first reaction was that he looked a bit older than he did in his pictures from Match.com. Out of the gate, he told me that he was 76 years old. Of course, I quickly did the math- a 27-year age difference. I smiled, took a sip of my Venti, and said, “Not a problem, Albert.” This of course was a true statement for coffee… perhaps not so much for a potential boyfriend.

As we conversed, I learned a lot about this man. With 76 years under his belt, he had a lot to say. A retired Naval officer, he has lived all over the world, giving him a very interesting perspective on a variety of topics. Albert had a great laugh and a sparkle in his eyes. What made Albert most charming was that he was really interested in what I had to say. He listened, was very quick with a comeback (which is an attribute that always holds my attention) and he had the gift of remembering things I said and bringing them up later.

As far as first dates go, I had a splendid time with Albert. As I drove home, I thought about his laugh. If you closed your eyes and just listened, his laugh didn’t come with an age. It was a sound that could come from any trombone, be is the 45th or the 55th. If you remove the number 76 and judge Albert for Albert, there was no question that he scored high on the first date rating scale.

I then thought about the age difference- 27 years. Granted, our age gap was barely less than that of Stephen Fry and Elliott Spencer, but it was more than anyone I’ve ever dated. Is that something I could handle? I thought about other couples driving on the Age-Difference Highway, like Stephen Sondheim and Jeff Goldblum. Their cars seem to be fully operational, and their journeys appear to be happy ones. Perhaps I too should not be so wrapped on the model year and just place my focus on the ride.

By the time I reached home, I had received a text from him asking for a second date. Two hours later, I received an email from Albert saying that he could really see us in a relationship. The next day, I received another email inviting me to meet his friends over dinner and to spend the night at his place.

The 76th Trombone was playing a song I’ve heard before… same as the 48th and the 53rd Trombones… he wanted an instant relationship.

Albert was definitely rushing things, which was a really big turn-off and typically a deal breaker for me. It was at that point I realized that it wasn’t just the laugh that was ageless. The need for an instant relationship also knows no age. Albert at 76 or 46 or even 86 most likely wasn’t the guy for me. I did enjoy a second date with him, and I’m happy to say that I definitely gained a new friend.

Don't let the parade pass you by, be it with any of the trombones.
Don’t let the parade pass you by, be it with any of the trombones.

1Gr8Lesson

The 76th Trombone opened my eyes to my own judgment about couples with significant age difference.

If you question the validity of a relationship just because of an age difference, you might be alone in questioning. The participants in the relationship aren’t questioning- they’re too busy living.

There are certain aspects of our daily that need to be judged by dates, like dairy products. If milk is past it’s prime, it’s easy to discard. People aren’t dairy, and judging them by an implied shelf life may just cost you a great experience. It may even cost you the opportunity of a great love. In the end, I just didn’t have enough things in common with Albert to make a go of it as boyfriends. But if we did, I can guarantee I would have veered onto the Age Difference Highway with the abandon of a warm summer’s drive.

In The Music Man, Marian the Librarian most likely never thought she would end up with someone like Professor Hill. She opened her eyes and her heart to someone way outside of her dating box. Be it age, background, or demographic, if you close your eyes and just listen to the laugh, the sound may lead to birds singing and bells ringing. You just have to take the blinders off, get rid of the “what will others think” and be open to what YOU think and feel!

If you do, you might just find love all around.

D8 with the Man Who Slew too Much

#breakup, #Date, #dating, #datingadvice, #datingandage, #datingvideo, #disney, #firstdate, #HoliDate, #onlinedating, #relationships, #Tinder, #TinderFail, Breakups, , , , , , , , ,

One of the features Tinder provides users is the tie-in to Facebook. When you match with someone, you can review mutual friends and get the 411 from them about your potential date. This is exactly what I did prior to my date with Edgar.

The general consensus from our four mutual friends was that I should go out with him, however it didn’t go unnoticed that their level of enthusiasm wasn’t exactly high. In spite of that, I agreed to meet Edgar for a drink.

He arrived before me, and grabbed us a great table. Edgar was a good-looking man with a very welcoming smile. Our conversation got off to a great start; we discussed current events, hobbies, and a mutual love of antiquing. We ordered a second drink, and continued to have a really great time… until he mentioned our mutual Facebook friends as outed by Tinder. His descriptions of our mutual friends kind of took me by surprise. I was given a chorus of negativity, including the following lyrics:

“Oh yeah, I know them. They run in a fast crowd, do drugs and are rather slutty.”
“He’s an idiot. Seriously, a fucking idiot.”
“Like that one has a personality? Please!”

If Edgar described his “friends” in this manner, I couldn’t imagine how he described his enemies. Unfortunately, I soon found out.

“If you know (this one) then you must know (that one)” was the next conversation Edgar initiated. Each time I answered with a yes, he explained how this person or that person was a loser. In less than 30 minutes, Edgar managed to verbally slay about every mutual contact we shared.

We’ve all had red flags on a date, but this red flag was waiving bigger and brighter than anything Betsy Ross could imagine.

As the red flag waived proudly in the Westfield, New Jersey sky, Edgar continued his verbal assassination of more friends:

“That one comes from a real messed up family”
“That bitch hasn’t worked in years!”
“I thought about dating him, but I don’t want to catch something.”

At that point, I officially caught something… an airborne disease of disgust with Edgar as the Ground Zero source. I didn’t need the help of a doctor to cure this malaise, for the antidote was simple and easily administered to any self-respecting Leo…

“Well Edgar, (this one) is actually quite smart, (that one) is one of the most charming people I know, and as for (those two), if they choose to have an open relationship and enjoy a little weed once in a while it’s their business just as it’s my business not to judge it nor participate in it. And for the record, Edgar, (that one’s) family is a pretty groovy one, and her aunt and my cousin’s father-in-law have a business history of successful collaboration.”

Edgar just stared at me, and for the first time on our date was at a total loss for words. As we said our brief goodbye, I wondered what words of venom Edgar would use to describe me… and I just didn’t care. No matter what, I would be in good company with my Facebook friends as opposed to my not-so-fine date.

And as for Tinder, I’m thinking the less shared Facebook friends the better!

Don't let words be the weapons that sabotage your first date!
Don’t let words be the weapons that sabotage your first date!

Continue reading D8 with the Man Who Slew too Much →