When I was a kid, Sunday morning always started with the smell of bacon frying. I was propelled from my to bed to the kitchen by that beautiful scent. My mother would greet me as she made our breakfast, but the real sight to behold was the bacon in the pan, sizzling with a goodness that was soon to grace my palate.
If anything, my love for bacon increased as I became an adult. So has my love for all things that sizzle. One such recent sizzle I encountered was courtesy of Match.com in the form of NJSteve63.
One of the first lessons learned from online dating is that there’s a systematic protocol regarding communication with a potential date. For example, on Tinder, conversation only begins if both parties agree to a mutual interest. On Match.com, conversation may begin with a “wink”, or an email may be sent to someone that may or may not be interested in you.
On Match.com, I noticed NJSteve63’s profile, a very intriguing one belonging to a very handsome guy. NJSteve63 had both a way with words and a home base that was geographically desirable. I could have waited to see if NJSteve63 would reach out to me, but I decided the profile was too good, warranting a first attempt on my part. I opted to skip the wink and go straight to the email…
Hey Steve- nice profile, great pictures, and I’d certainly like to learn more about you! If you like my profile, drop me a line!
Sure enough, Steve quickly replied.
Hi Craig! Thanks for emailing- I really like your profile, and you’ve got great legs!
And with that, I was in an email correspondence with NJSteve63. I quickly learned that he was originally from Manhattan, a graduate of Horace Mann, and worked in publishing. He also had a sense of humor that was stellar. The conversations were light, fun, funny and even sometimes serious. Emails were exchanged throughout the day, and the next day… and the next.
As the witty banter continued with Steve, I knew the next step in communication must be taken…
You’re definitely a fun guy to chat with- want to take it offline and on-phone?
I gave Steve my number, and he responded by giving me his, telling me that he’d call later in the day. He did, and our first conversation lasted an hour, followed by another the next evening that matched in duration. I was really enjoying getting to know Steve. I also knew that I really, really wanted to seal the deal on a first date.
Starting with the emails on Match, followed by a phone conversation and texting, the next step in communication was to set the first date- that’s the whole point of this online dating thing, right?
I sent Steve a text, asking for the date…
I was thinking we should meet for drink after work- does Wednesday or Thursday work for you?
…and he quickly responded,
Damn- both nights are booked with work. How about Friday?
This is good… he’s definitely interested in meeting! We planned on a Friday Happy Hour at Gym Bar, a fun little place in Chelsea that was a perfect backdrop for meeting my Sizzle.
My Sizzle went to Fizzle when I received a 5pm text from Steve saying that he couldn’t make it. He said that he was held up at his office, and that we could maybe reschedule for another time. Maybe, he said. He added that he was going on a two-week business trip next week and would be really busy when he returned.
“No worries” was my response. I told him to hit me up when he’s available. As soon as I typed the message, I knew I’d never hear from him again.
I was right.
Perhaps like you, when I entered into the online dating arena, I did with pure intention and pure heart. My endgame was to find the one, and online dating is simply a tool to achieve the goal. Luckily, most online daters are of the same mindset, but sometimes you encounter a few with intentions that might not be the same.
This is simply a hazard of the game.
Considering that Steve and I had a great rapport, I was the one that pushed for the face-to-face date. I really believe that if I didn’t, we’d still be in that stage of just an online chat. Steve may have eventually asked for a real date, but my gut tells me that he was happy with just the online chatting.
Maybe Steve wasn’t honest in his presentation about being available for a relationship? Maybe Steve wanted nothing more than a chat? How can a Sizzle turn into a Fizzle?
Maybe there’s just not an answer.
There is no point in wasting time wondering about the “why” or the “how” or the “if”. It is what it is, and you have better things to do.
It’s very easy to let one dating mishap derail your dating train. Please don’t fall into that trap. Don’t let one bad egg keep you from eating breakfast. Get out that pan, heat it up, and before you know it you’ll be enjoying a new and wonderful sizzle!