D8 with the Man Who Said too Much

I didn’t think twice saying yes when Jeremy asked me out. He was the full package and then some… tall, blond, smart, successful and funny. We met online, and after a few days of chatting he invited me to meet him for a drink.

We arranged to meet for a late happy hour cocktail. When I arrived at the designation, Jeremy was everything I expected- and more. I could officially add charming, sexy and a great dresser to the list of positive qualities this man possesses.

As the evening progressed and one cocktail turned into two, Jeremy became extremely comfortable with sharing information about himself and his family. He told me how his father had passed away a few years earlier. He told me about his mother, who seems like a really great lady. As I was drinking my second Heineken, Jeremy ordered what I believed to be his third Scotch. As he drank, he loosened up even more and shared even more.

“My brother is an alcoholic. He lost his job, his wife and lives with my mom. He had to be hospitalized last weekend, but he’s home now,” said Jeremy. Having several friends that have faced this challenge, I conveyed my understanding and wished his brother the best in his recovery.

I was still working on my Heineken when Jeremy ordered his fourth. This was when the sharing poured quicker than Glenlivet into a jigger.

Jeremy took a sip and said, “The weekend before, my brother got so drunk he hit on our first cousin. She was cool with it, but it really pissed me off.”

That was way more than I needed to know on a first date. With each sip, Jeremy’s charm, intelligence and sexiness melted quicker than the ice cubes in his drinks.

“Alcoholism runs ramit… rampis… RAMPID in my family. We’re Irish.”

At that point, I realized if I continued this date, Jeremy would say too much to the bartender by asking for another bourbon. By ending the date, I might spare him a worse hangover than he has already given himself, not to mention spare the good people of Ireland any further detrimental stereotyping. I said my goodbyes, secured that he had a way home, and bolted faster than you could say boozehound.

The next morning, I received a text from Jeremy. He apologized for saying too much. Never said a word about the drinks or what I perceived as the dilly of a hangover he had to be nursing. I wished him only the best for his family, and told him that I wouldn’t be interested in a second date.

I’ve always been a big believer in maintaining your capacities while enjoying a date. Overdrinking can lead to a lapse of judgment in your own behavior, however it’s as important not to diminish your capacity to notice the behavior of your date. Overdrinking at the beginning of dating doesn’t bring anything positive to foster the essential communication needed to build a foundation for a relationship.

The story of Jeremy’s brother and the history of alcoholism in his family is a situation to process, and in my opinion is not one that’s necessarily a deal breaker. However, when your alcohol-infused date delivers this sort of information on a first outing, it’s a turn-off.

When it comes to dating and drinking, keep it at a two-drink maximum with choices limited to beverages with low alcohol content. I suggest seasonal drinking while dating. Summer is great for a glass of Pinot Grigio and Autumn is perfect for a beer. Winter brings a glass of Multipulciano and Springtime calls for a Chardonnay. It’s a simple rule to follow to avoid dating with booze-tinted glasses.

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