One of the features Tinder provides users is the tie-in to Facebook. When you match with someone, you can review mutual friends and get the 411 from them about your potential date. This is exactly what I did prior to my date with Edgar.
The general consensus from our four mutual friends was that I should go out with him, however it didn’t go unnoticed that their level of enthusiasm wasn’t exactly high. In spite of that, I agreed to meet Edgar for a drink.
He arrived before me, and grabbed us a great table. Edgar was a good-looking man with a very welcoming smile. Our conversation got off to a great start; we discussed current events, hobbies, and a mutual love of antiquing. We ordered a second drink, and continued to have a really great time… until he mentioned our mutual Facebook friends as outed by Tinder. His descriptions of our mutual friends kind of took me by surprise. I was given a chorus of negativity, including the following lyrics:
“Oh yeah, I know them. They run in a fast crowd, do drugs and are rather slutty.”
“He’s an idiot. Seriously, a fucking idiot.”
“Like that one has a personality? Please!”
If Edgar described his “friends” in this manner, I couldn’t imagine how he described his enemies. Unfortunately, I soon found out.
“If you know (this one) then you must know (that one)” was the next conversation Edgar initiated. Each time I answered with a yes, he explained how this person or that person was a loser. In less than 30 minutes, Edgar managed to verbally slay about every mutual contact we shared.
We’ve all had red flags on a date, but this red flag was waiving bigger and brighter than anything Betsy Ross could imagine.
As the red flag waived proudly in the Westfield, New Jersey sky, Edgar continued his verbal assassination of more friends:
“That one comes from a real messed up family”
“That bitch hasn’t worked in years!”
“I thought about dating him, but I don’t want to catch something.”
At that point, I officially caught something… an airborne disease of disgust with Edgar as the Ground Zero source. I didn’t need the help of a doctor to cure this malaise, for the antidote was simple and easily administered to any self-respecting Leo…
“Well Edgar, (this one) is actually quite smart, (that one) is one of the most charming people I know, and as for (those two), if they choose to have an open relationship and enjoy a little weed once in a while it’s their business just as it’s my business not to judge it nor participate in it. And for the record, Edgar, (that one’s) family is a pretty groovy one, and her aunt and my cousin’s father-in-law have a business history of successful collaboration.”
Edgar just stared at me, and for the first time on our date was at a total loss for words. As we said our brief goodbye, I wondered what words of venom Edgar would use to describe me… and I just didn’t care. No matter what, I would be in good company with my Facebook friends as opposed to my not-so-fine date.
And as for Tinder, I’m thinking the less shared Facebook friends the better!
Kevin Bacon gave us Footloose and unfortunately put a very public face of those financially victimized by Bernie Madoff. Perhaps the best thing Mr. Bacon has given us, especially to us daters, is the concept of Six Degrees of Seperation,
When discussing mutual acquaintances with your date, be very mindful that your relationships with others may differ from the relationships he experiences with the same people.
Don’t get me wrong- Edgar is totally entitled to his opinions, however to negatively hit so many mutual friends in record time was not the smartest thing to do on a first date. Maybe Edgar would have had a better response from me if he weren’t so cutty to people I care about.
Think about it… if your date wants to hear shade, he can watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta from the convenience of his sofa.
When talking about mutual friends, keep is short, simple and positive. If there was ever a time to say one thing positive about someone, a date is the time to do so.