Tag Archives: Second Date

D8 with Dolly the Sheep

#Date, #dating, #datingadvice, #datingandage, #firstdate, #lookalike, #match.com, #onlinedating, #relationships, #Tinder, , , , , , , , , , ,

My four-year college experience included setting my class schedule around the NBC soap Another World. I was hooked on the happenings of Bay City with its glamorous citizens like Felicia Gallant, Donna Love and Iris Cory Carrington Delaney Bancroft Wheeler. In one plot twist, it turned out that Donna Love’s sister Marley was actually her daughter, and that her daughter had a long lost twin named Vicki! Talk about a scandal rocking the Bay City Country Club- it was as if Marley had been cloned, just like Dolly the Sheep.

I received a Match.com notification that a New Yorker named Alan was interested in me. When I opened up his profile and saw his picture, I couldn’t help but think of Marley and Vicki. Looking into Alan’s blue eyes, the red hair with flecks of white… it was like discovering that my favorite Ex had a long lost twin, or had been cloned, just like Dolly the Sheep.

What is it saying if I date a man that’s a dead ringer for my Ex?

Alan had a really entertaining and well-written profile. On paper, he was definitely someone I’d be interested in meeting, but those pictures! The similarity was uncanny. I decided to verify that my suspicions were correct by forwarding his picture to my two best friends… and my mom. 100% confirmation was received. Knowing that the likeness wasn’t in my head, I had a choice to make- to date or not to date Dolly the Sheep.

I decided to give Alan a go, a decision from which there was no turning baaaa-ck.

We met at a cute Italian place in the Village. He was unbelievably friendly. Funny and smart too. So far, this look-alike had a lot in common with my Ex. As the conversation continued I discovered the myriad of differences that somehow infused Alan during the cloning process. Alan was a Type-A workaholic and very intense. The quiet strength that my Ex possesses was replaced by Alan’s loud and boisterous dialogue. This was evident when we discussed our favorite Broadway shows. Alan was very quick to say “Loved it!” or “Hated it!” whereas my Ex has the skill sets to explain why the production was a hit or a miss, and can do so with accuracy, precision and fact. Much like Vicki and Marley, and probably likely Dolly the Goat and her “parent”, the two individuals were just that- totally individual.

The bottom line- Alan may have a similar look, but the differences between he and my Ex were numerous. In all, my date with Alan was a good one. There was a spark that warranted a second date, which in fact happened.   And that has led to a third, and I’m sure the dates will continue. I’m not sure where this will lead, but I’m sure of one thing. If I allowed myself to discount Alan based on his looks, I would have missed out on meeting a great guy.

Would you date someone that looks a lot like your Ex? Join the discussion on Twitter! @CraigRogersNYC
Would you date someone that looks a lot like your Ex? Join the discussion on Twitter! @CraigRogersNYC

1Gr8Lesson

When we have the opportunity to date someone that looks a lot like our Ex, I believe the trepidation we face is that people will think we’re simply in re-casting mode. We’re afraid that people may think that we haven’t gotten over the original so we simply found a stunt double. In some cases that may be the reality, but oftentimes it isn’t. Perhaps the similarity in look is just a total coincidence, like my situation with Alan.

The book covers may look similar, but the story content will be drastically different.

Getting to know Alan was a lot of fun, and the more I learned about him the more I realized that he was so not my Ex. Two very different personalities and two very different backgrounds; the clone may have similar physical attributes but once you dug beneath the surface, the differences were obvious. So much so in fact that the more I continued looking at Alan, the more he looked like Alan and less like my Ex. Sure, the hair was the same, the face was similar, but the sparkle in Alan’s eye was quite different than that of my Ex (and believe me, my Ex’s eyes sparkle!).

I should have had my library card revoked if I turned down the opportunity to check out this new book.

If you find yourself in this position, I suggest giving Dolly the Goat a chance. The sooner you get past the look, the sooner you can dive in to learning about the person. Who knows- it could lead to creating a whole new chapter!

D8 with the 76th Trombone

#agedifference, #Date, #dating, #datingadvice, #datingandage, #firstdate, #may/december, #onlinedating, #relationships, #stephenfry, #Tinder, , , , , , , , , , ,

Since the dawn of tabloid time, we’ve read and sometimes witnessed celebrity May/December relationships. Dyan Cannon and Cary Grant paved the Age-Difference Highway so others like Alec Baldwin, Calvin Klein and Mary Kate Olsen could navigate freely with their partners in spite of decades of age differentiation.

Lately, a lot of press has been given to actor Stephen Fry and his engagement to Elliott Spencer. We have no idea where they are registered or who is catering the reception. What we do know is that there’s a 30-year age difference. What we also know is that some perceive Fry as a creepy old man and Spencer as a gold digging opportunist. The Age Difference Highway may give these couples a passage, however it’s one that’s paved in questioning, doubt and speculation by others.

I admit, I would be guilty of holding the same perception about couples with an extreme age difference, if it weren’t for the 76th Trombone.

When I met Albert for coffee, my first reaction was that he looked a bit older than he did in his pictures from Match.com. Out of the gate, he told me that he was 76 years old. Of course, I quickly did the math- a 27-year age difference. I smiled, took a sip of my Venti, and said, “Not a problem, Albert.” This of course was a true statement for coffee… perhaps not so much for a potential boyfriend.

As we conversed, I learned a lot about this man. With 76 years under his belt, he had a lot to say. A retired Naval officer, he has lived all over the world, giving him a very interesting perspective on a variety of topics. Albert had a great laugh and a sparkle in his eyes. What made Albert most charming was that he was really interested in what I had to say. He listened, was very quick with a comeback (which is an attribute that always holds my attention) and he had the gift of remembering things I said and bringing them up later.

As far as first dates go, I had a splendid time with Albert. As I drove home, I thought about his laugh. If you closed your eyes and just listened, his laugh didn’t come with an age. It was a sound that could come from any trombone, be is the 45th or the 55th. If you remove the number 76 and judge Albert for Albert, there was no question that he scored high on the first date rating scale.

I then thought about the age difference- 27 years. Granted, our age gap was barely less than that of Stephen Fry and Elliott Spencer, but it was more than anyone I’ve ever dated. Is that something I could handle? I thought about other couples driving on the Age-Difference Highway, like Stephen Sondheim and Jeff Goldblum. Their cars seem to be fully operational, and their journeys appear to be happy ones. Perhaps I too should not be so wrapped on the model year and just place my focus on the ride.

By the time I reached home, I had received a text from him asking for a second date. Two hours later, I received an email from Albert saying that he could really see us in a relationship. The next day, I received another email inviting me to meet his friends over dinner and to spend the night at his place.

The 76th Trombone was playing a song I’ve heard before… same as the 48th and the 53rd Trombones… he wanted an instant relationship.

Albert was definitely rushing things, which was a really big turn-off and typically a deal breaker for me. It was at that point I realized that it wasn’t just the laugh that was ageless. The need for an instant relationship also knows no age. Albert at 76 or 46 or even 86 most likely wasn’t the guy for me. I did enjoy a second date with him, and I’m happy to say that I definitely gained a new friend.

Don't let the parade pass you by, be it with any of the trombones.
Don’t let the parade pass you by, be it with any of the trombones.

1Gr8Lesson

The 76th Trombone opened my eyes to my own judgment about couples with significant age difference.

If you question the validity of a relationship just because of an age difference, you might be alone in questioning. The participants in the relationship aren’t questioning- they’re too busy living.

There are certain aspects of our daily that need to be judged by dates, like dairy products. If milk is past it’s prime, it’s easy to discard. People aren’t dairy, and judging them by an implied shelf life may just cost you a great experience. It may even cost you the opportunity of a great love. In the end, I just didn’t have enough things in common with Albert to make a go of it as boyfriends. But if we did, I can guarantee I would have veered onto the Age Difference Highway with the abandon of a warm summer’s drive.

In The Music Man, Marian the Librarian most likely never thought she would end up with someone like Professor Hill. She opened her eyes and her heart to someone way outside of her dating box. Be it age, background, or demographic, if you close your eyes and just listen to the laugh, the sound may lead to birds singing and bells ringing. You just have to take the blinders off, get rid of the “what will others think” and be open to what YOU think and feel!

If you do, you might just find love all around.

D8 with the Man Who Slew too Much

#breakup, #Date, #dating, #datingadvice, #datingandage, #datingvideo, #disney, #firstdate, #HoliDate, #onlinedating, #relationships, #Tinder, #TinderFail, Breakups, , , , , , , , ,

One of the features Tinder provides users is the tie-in to Facebook. When you match with someone, you can review mutual friends and get the 411 from them about your potential date. This is exactly what I did prior to my date with Edgar.

The general consensus from our four mutual friends was that I should go out with him, however it didn’t go unnoticed that their level of enthusiasm wasn’t exactly high. In spite of that, I agreed to meet Edgar for a drink.

He arrived before me, and grabbed us a great table. Edgar was a good-looking man with a very welcoming smile. Our conversation got off to a great start; we discussed current events, hobbies, and a mutual love of antiquing. We ordered a second drink, and continued to have a really great time… until he mentioned our mutual Facebook friends as outed by Tinder. His descriptions of our mutual friends kind of took me by surprise. I was given a chorus of negativity, including the following lyrics:

“Oh yeah, I know them. They run in a fast crowd, do drugs and are rather slutty.”
“He’s an idiot. Seriously, a fucking idiot.”
“Like that one has a personality? Please!”

If Edgar described his “friends” in this manner, I couldn’t imagine how he described his enemies. Unfortunately, I soon found out.

“If you know (this one) then you must know (that one)” was the next conversation Edgar initiated. Each time I answered with a yes, he explained how this person or that person was a loser. In less than 30 minutes, Edgar managed to verbally slay about every mutual contact we shared.

We’ve all had red flags on a date, but this red flag was waiving bigger and brighter than anything Betsy Ross could imagine.

As the red flag waived proudly in the Westfield, New Jersey sky, Edgar continued his verbal assassination of more friends:

“That one comes from a real messed up family”
“That bitch hasn’t worked in years!”
“I thought about dating him, but I don’t want to catch something.”

At that point, I officially caught something… an airborne disease of disgust with Edgar as the Ground Zero source. I didn’t need the help of a doctor to cure this malaise, for the antidote was simple and easily administered to any self-respecting Leo…

“Well Edgar, (this one) is actually quite smart, (that one) is one of the most charming people I know, and as for (those two), if they choose to have an open relationship and enjoy a little weed once in a while it’s their business just as it’s my business not to judge it nor participate in it. And for the record, Edgar, (that one’s) family is a pretty groovy one, and her aunt and my cousin’s father-in-law have a business history of successful collaboration.”

Edgar just stared at me, and for the first time on our date was at a total loss for words. As we said our brief goodbye, I wondered what words of venom Edgar would use to describe me… and I just didn’t care. No matter what, I would be in good company with my Facebook friends as opposed to my not-so-fine date.

And as for Tinder, I’m thinking the less shared Facebook friends the better!

Don't let words be the weapons that sabotage your first date!
Don’t let words be the weapons that sabotage your first date!

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1FineVideo- When to Ask for a Second Date

#Date, #dating, #datingadvice, #datingvideo, #firstdate, #onlinedating, #relationships, , , , , , , ,

We’ve all been there… we have a 1FineD8, and we aren’t sure of the proper time frame to ask for the second date. If you’ve wondered when to ask for that second date, you need to watch this video! Dateologist Tracey Steinberg and I tackle this question on this installment of Ready… Set… DATE!

Who’s advice works best for you… Tracey’s or mine! Let us know and please share your experience!

For more information on Dateologist Tracey Steinberg, please visit http://www.traceysteinberg.com!

Be sure to follow me on Twitter! @CraigRogersNYC