Tag Archives: Age

D8 with the 76th Trombone

#agedifference, #Date, #dating, #datingadvice, #datingandage, #firstdate, #may/december, #onlinedating, #relationships, #stephenfry, #Tinder, , , , , , , , , , ,

Since the dawn of tabloid time, we’ve read and sometimes witnessed celebrity May/December relationships. Dyan Cannon and Cary Grant paved the Age-Difference Highway so others like Alec Baldwin, Calvin Klein and Mary Kate Olsen could navigate freely with their partners in spite of decades of age differentiation.

Lately, a lot of press has been given to actor Stephen Fry and his engagement to Elliott Spencer. We have no idea where they are registered or who is catering the reception. What we do know is that there’s a 30-year age difference. What we also know is that some perceive Fry as a creepy old man and Spencer as a gold digging opportunist. The Age Difference Highway may give these couples a passage, however it’s one that’s paved in questioning, doubt and speculation by others.

I admit, I would be guilty of holding the same perception about couples with an extreme age difference, if it weren’t for the 76th Trombone.

When I met Albert for coffee, my first reaction was that he looked a bit older than he did in his pictures from Match.com. Out of the gate, he told me that he was 76 years old. Of course, I quickly did the math- a 27-year age difference. I smiled, took a sip of my Venti, and said, “Not a problem, Albert.” This of course was a true statement for coffee… perhaps not so much for a potential boyfriend.

As we conversed, I learned a lot about this man. With 76 years under his belt, he had a lot to say. A retired Naval officer, he has lived all over the world, giving him a very interesting perspective on a variety of topics. Albert had a great laugh and a sparkle in his eyes. What made Albert most charming was that he was really interested in what I had to say. He listened, was very quick with a comeback (which is an attribute that always holds my attention) and he had the gift of remembering things I said and bringing them up later.

As far as first dates go, I had a splendid time with Albert. As I drove home, I thought about his laugh. If you closed your eyes and just listened, his laugh didn’t come with an age. It was a sound that could come from any trombone, be is the 45th or the 55th. If you remove the number 76 and judge Albert for Albert, there was no question that he scored high on the first date rating scale.

I then thought about the age difference- 27 years. Granted, our age gap was barely less than that of Stephen Fry and Elliott Spencer, but it was more than anyone I’ve ever dated. Is that something I could handle? I thought about other couples driving on the Age-Difference Highway, like Stephen Sondheim and Jeff Goldblum. Their cars seem to be fully operational, and their journeys appear to be happy ones. Perhaps I too should not be so wrapped on the model year and just place my focus on the ride.

By the time I reached home, I had received a text from him asking for a second date. Two hours later, I received an email from Albert saying that he could really see us in a relationship. The next day, I received another email inviting me to meet his friends over dinner and to spend the night at his place.

The 76th Trombone was playing a song I’ve heard before… same as the 48th and the 53rd Trombones… he wanted an instant relationship.

Albert was definitely rushing things, which was a really big turn-off and typically a deal breaker for me. It was at that point I realized that it wasn’t just the laugh that was ageless. The need for an instant relationship also knows no age. Albert at 76 or 46 or even 86 most likely wasn’t the guy for me. I did enjoy a second date with him, and I’m happy to say that I definitely gained a new friend.

Don't let the parade pass you by, be it with any of the trombones.
Don’t let the parade pass you by, be it with any of the trombones.

1Gr8Lesson

The 76th Trombone opened my eyes to my own judgment about couples with significant age difference.

If you question the validity of a relationship just because of an age difference, you might be alone in questioning. The participants in the relationship aren’t questioning- they’re too busy living.

There are certain aspects of our daily that need to be judged by dates, like dairy products. If milk is past it’s prime, it’s easy to discard. People aren’t dairy, and judging them by an implied shelf life may just cost you a great experience. It may even cost you the opportunity of a great love. In the end, I just didn’t have enough things in common with Albert to make a go of it as boyfriends. But if we did, I can guarantee I would have veered onto the Age Difference Highway with the abandon of a warm summer’s drive.

In The Music Man, Marian the Librarian most likely never thought she would end up with someone like Professor Hill. She opened her eyes and her heart to someone way outside of her dating box. Be it age, background, or demographic, if you close your eyes and just listen to the laugh, the sound may lead to birds singing and bells ringing. You just have to take the blinders off, get rid of the “what will others think” and be open to what YOU think and feel!

If you do, you might just find love all around.

D8 with Dr. No

#dating, #datingadvice, #datingandage, #firstdate, #relationships, , , , ,

Meeting a first date at one of the Ninth Avenue bars in Manhattan’s Hell’s Kitchen is an acceptable venue for any gay New Yorker, and it was perfectly conducive for my first date with Frank. We decided to meet at Industry, which has a fun and happening Happy Hour. When I spotted him at the bar, I was pleasantly surprised that he looked even better in person. Sharp dresser, nice brief case, and a very welcoming smile, Frank was definitely a happening mid-fifties guy.

We grabbed a drink and went to the couches on the side of the bar, allowing us to have a semi-quiet conversation. And what a conversation it was- it was as if I had known Frank for years. From home décor and DYI projects to shopping a great Lord and Taylor sale, we had a lot in common. We shared a lot of laughs, and there was definitely a spark.

The next topic on deck was music. Frank wanted to know my favorite concert of all time.

“That’s easy- definitely Prince and Sheila E.! Three of my fraternity brothers and I drove to Indianapolis to see them, and it was amazing. Gee, that must have been ‘85… maybe ’86.” I responded, taking a sip of my Heineken Light.

And then, as if a pack of beavers built a dam on my 1FineD8 River, the flow of our conversation came to an abrupt halt.

“Wait- you were in college in ’85?” asked a surprised Frank. “How old are you?”

“I just turned 49 this past July,” I responded. “I thought we covered the age thing in our pre-date conversation.”

“Oh. Guess not. I just assumed you were in your early 40’s,” said Frank. “ You don’t look that old in person.”

That old? I was a little puzzled by the point this fifty-plus man was trying to make.

“Well… thanks… I’m flattered you thought I was younger, but 49 really isn’t that old, you know.”

Frank didn’t respond.

The conversation continued, but with a very different tone. Thanks to my coming out as a 49-year old man, the spark was out and cold to the touch. I forgot what led to Frank making the following comment, but it was like an announcement from the Emergency Broadcast System telling me to evacuate the date.

“Guys our age like to date younger.”

I didn’t even need a second to respond.

“Totally disagree, Frank. I want to be able to have a conversation with a date about 1985 and get a spark of recollection in return. I don’t want to be a history teacher, even to a cute 27-year old”.

With that, the date was over. I went my way, and I assume Frank went off in his “One Direction”.

martini-glass-clipart-5

1Gr8Lesson

Sean Connery is so timeless that his portrayal of James Bond started in 1962 with Dr. No, and ended in 1983 with Never Say Never Again. He was 53 when he last played James Bond. He was almost 60 when he was named People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. Sean Connery is living proof that sexy can be achieved at any age. I think Frank somehow missed this memo, and it seems likely he would have said “no” to James Bond.

I fully admit that I liked Frank. He was cute, smart and funny- and the right age for me. I would have easily asked for a second date based on how the first part of our first date went. The challenge was that I was the only ticket holder for the 2ndFineD8.

Sometimes, our date says “No”. They might not come right out and say the word, but they will drop the clue that a second date isn’t going to happen.

Guess what? That’s OK.

The sooner we accept that we are not going to be everyone’s flavor, the sooner we can brush off the defeat and move on to the next round. Some dates may not like your sense of style, and some may not like your profession. Some dates may not appreciate your sense of humor, your age, and may simply say that you’re not their “type”. Regardless of the reason, it’s not a fine date if the spark is one-sided. We all deserve a date, and eventually a relationship, where there are so many sparks from every angle that you both have no idea which one actually set the fire.

Again, it’s OK if you hear a “no”. Being on the receiving end of a no is never the way we want to end our evening, but once we come to terms that this might happen, the sooner we can bounce back and be on to the next dating adventure. Before you know it, you’ll be on that fine date where the only “no” you hear is “I want to get to “know” you better!”.