I confess… one standout in Paul’s JDate profile was that he owned a shoe company. Besides being cute, he was involved in something I love almost as much as shirts. And I also confess that besides his work in an industry where I would gladly accept samples or a substantial discount, he seemed like a perfect date for me. I sent him a message of interest, and he responded immediately. Plans for a drink were promptly made.
Now that I was going on a date with the Shoe Guy, what shoes should I wear?
I agreed to meet at a cute bar in the West Village. Paul was very handsome; his pictures didn’t do him one bit of justice. We ordered a couple beers and started a very fun conversation. In a short amount of time, we discussed our high school years (he was totally Blaine in Pretty in Pink), our college years (he was totally Pinto in Animal House) and what our overall New York experience has been (and mine was by far much more interesting). Of course, we talked about shoes. He liked my Cole-Haan loafers.
We were laughing and never missing a beat in the conversation except to order another round of beers. About an hour into our date, Paul asked me about travel. He said that he loves visiting Europe and Asia for work, but he’d rather be on a beach. Just one more thing we had in common.
“So where was your last vacation?” Paul asked. “Wow… I guess it was last month when loaded the boys in the car and drove to visit my parents in Pinehurst.” I responded.
With that, our conversation missed a beat… actually two heartbeats.
“You have kids?” asked a puzzled Paul. I was even more puzzled at the question, as my profile says I have no kids, but I do have two dachshunds.
“Only of the furry variety. I have two dachshunds”
“Oh… I had no idea you had dogs.”
“I mention them in my profile. Didn’t you see that?”
“Hmmm…. guessed I missed that.”
And with that, the shoe dropped. It was the first silent moment of our date. I took a really big sip of my beer, before I eliminated the silence and asked the next question. “I take it you don’t like dogs?” There was nothing that could prepare me for his answer.
“How old are yours, and what is the life expectancy of a dachshund?”
I think at that moment I might have had a mini stroke, not that I need any neurological reason or excuse to explain my lack of censorship in my speech.
“You didn’t just fucking ask me that.”
At this point the shoe man was shaking in his boots. “Well…. I’m not a fan of dogs,” he said. Not everyone likes dogs, and that’s ok, but to bring up life expectancy to one who does is a fatal error when that one is your date.
“Well I’m not a fan of planning their cremation. I did that once in the last year already, and I’m hopefully done for a while.”
“You had THREE?” he asked, seemingly in shock that some people do own more than one dog. At that point I was done with answers, done with questions, and done with Paul.
“You know, Paul, I’m really glad you liked my pictures, but I’m a little sad that you didn’t really read my profile… or at least comprehend what you read.”
And with that, I walked out of the cute West Village bar. I couldn’t help but smile thinking about how I would be soon greeted with wagging tails, licks and barks by my two little guys who aren’t really into shoes.
Dachshunds are short, and so it the lesson of this not so fine date…
If you’re using an online dating site as a tool to meet people, read their profile. If you like them, make like Santa Claus and check out the profile twice!
It’s staggering to me that people would go on a date sourced online and not fully read that person’s profile. Sure, we can be in a hurry and miss a few facts, but I believe (thanks to my bestie from College who’s a third grade NYC School Teacher whose responsibilities include teaching reading comprehension to children) that reading comprehension is not an impossible task… if you REALLY want to learn about someone.
Think of reading your online date’s profile as a prelude to the novel that is your date. The date is where you listen, ask and share, and based on that you’ll decide if you want to keep on reading.
Besides being an absolute jerk regarding the future demise of my furry beasts, what Paul really said was that he didn’t care enough to really learn about me. That’s pretty much a deal breaker in itself. Questioning the lifespan of a dachshund was simply icing on the deal breaker cake.
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2 thoughts on “D8 with Dr. Kavorkian”
I can completely relate to this story as an owner of a dachshund, Mr. Wiggles, who rules the house and who is a good judge of character for my dates!
Mr. Wiggles should join forces with Thalheimer and Jacobson… they would rule the world!