Tag Archives: Dating Fail

D8 with the Wet Firecracker

Warm weather has finally arrived in New York, and as New Yorkers enjoy trading their winter coats for shorts, they begin filling their calendars with outdoor activities. “What are you doing for Memorial Day” and “Big Fourth of July plans?” are questions already being asked, and by some easily answered.

Marvin elected to ask me on a date first before asking if I was booked on July 4th. I met him via JDate, and Marvin was your typical big Jewish bear. 6’2”, football player build with a hairy chest that went for days, Marvin was totally bearlicious. Like many other potential dates, we enjoyed several fun conversations and flirty text messages. Seeing that he was handsome, smart and funny, I was very optimistic that our first date would be like the Macy’s Fourth of July Fireworks, but a couple months early.

When the online profile and pre-date communication are hot, what could possibly put out the fire?

Marvin and I agreed to grab a coffee and go for a walk on the High Line. When I met him, he was even cuter in person. He was even a little goofy, which really made him quite adorable. We grabbed a coffee at Starbucks and started our walk.

We were maybe 50 feet away from Starbucks when we heard the bing of his phone. It was one of his “girlfriends”, and it required an immediate answer. A few seconds later brought another bing, followed by necessity for an immediate answer. And it repeated… four more times. By this point, we had barely walked a block, and barely spoke 20 words to each other since Starbucks.

I held back on judgment, seeing that his friend could be having an issue and needed help. As he finished what was to be the last text, he told me that his friend was having a hard time figuring out what swimsuit to pack for a trip.

At that point, I felt the first few raindrops hit the metaphorical Grucci Brother’s fireworks barge.  We arrived on the High Line, and started to dive into a conversation.

“So, Marvin, tell me about you!” I playfully asked.

“Well, I have serious abandonment issues. It stems from childhood.” he seriously responded.

And with that, the few raindrops turned into a nice sprinkle over the fireworks barge. As the conversation continued, the sprinkles turned into a full-fledged downpour. Marvin told a tale of woe that would rival any statement made by Debbie Downer. There were many stops on his Trail of Tears tour, including “I went to the wrong college”, “I hate cooked fruit- HATE!” and “I married a woman just to have a kid but she couldn’t get pregnant”. My personal favorite stop on his Diatribe of Despair was “Mental illness runs in my family- but I’m OK!”

The Grucci Brothers would have called it a rainout twenty minutes before I did.   The date couldn’t be over soon enough for me, but somehow like a train wreck I just couldn’t look away. I was amazed at the amount of negativity one man could carry. I couldn’t help but wonder what happened to the funny man I chatted with during the week.

Twenty-five minutes after the date, I received a text from Marvin.

So… did you feel a spark?

What I wanted to say was that I feel grateful for the 99 problems I’ve got, because none involve fruit, mental illness or my alma mater. What I wanted to ask was what happened to the groovy firecracker I texted with earlier in the week. But my reply was actually worse… because I wimped out.

Well… I really don’t know.

As soon as I sent the text I hit myself for not being the direct guy that I have been previously on this whole dating mission of mine. Perhaps I was trying to spare him? His answer put that question to bed…

I cannot tell you how incredibly sad it makes me that you say that. I totally felt a spark, and I’m so, so sad you didn’t.

Just like the fizz of a firework that didn’t quite explode with its intended grandeur, Marvin was over and out.

Not all dates end in fireworks- don't be discouraged.  Keep up your quest for 1FineD8!
Not all dates end in fireworks- don’t be discouraged. Keep up your quest for 1FineD8!

1Gr8Lesson

I’ve used the analogy of dating and a toaster oven before in a video with my good pal and “work wife”, Dateologist Tracey Steinberg. My date with Marvin forces me to repeat that message.

When you think of the last time you took home a toaster oven to begin a hot relationship, the toaster oven’s first impression on you was most likely the features and benefits listed on the label. The initial message from your initial meeting was one of positivity, functionality and overall improvement of your life by bringing the toaster oven into it. Nowhere on the box does it say “I may burn your bread” or “Don’t even try melting cheese because I will scorch your countertop”. The toaster oven label lists the positives, and on a first date so should you.

Ask yourself… am I putting my best foot forward on this date or do I sound like I escaped from a Lifetime Made for Television Movie?

Let’s face it- nobody wants to date Debbie Downer. Nobody wants to be exclusive with her and certainly nobody wants to take Debbie Downer home to meet Mom and Dad. That said, we all have our baggage. We all have some sad things in our history and sometimes in our current. There’s a time and place to address those with your date if necessary. You ultimately determine the time that happens, however it’s a safe bet that the first date is not the time.

The first date is the time to spotlight your positives, not to hold a flashlight on any potential negatives.

As Tracey Steinberg would say, keep the conversation fun and flirty. Ask questions, give answers and truly allow your date to get to know your positivity as you get to know theirs.

And don’t forget to put your phone on Mute! Geesh!

D8 with Dolly the Sheep

My four-year college experience included setting my class schedule around the NBC soap Another World. I was hooked on the happenings of Bay City with its glamorous citizens like Felicia Gallant, Donna Love and Iris Cory Carrington Delaney Bancroft Wheeler. In one plot twist, it turned out that Donna Love’s sister Marley was actually her daughter, and that her daughter had a long lost twin named Vicki! Talk about a scandal rocking the Bay City Country Club- it was as if Marley had been cloned, just like Dolly the Sheep.

I received a Match.com notification that a New Yorker named Alan was interested in me. When I opened up his profile and saw his picture, I couldn’t help but think of Marley and Vicki. Looking into Alan’s blue eyes, the red hair with flecks of white… it was like discovering that my favorite Ex had a long lost twin, or had been cloned, just like Dolly the Sheep.

What is it saying if I date a man that’s a dead ringer for my Ex?

Alan had a really entertaining and well-written profile. On paper, he was definitely someone I’d be interested in meeting, but those pictures! The similarity was uncanny. I decided to verify that my suspicions were correct by forwarding his picture to my two best friends… and my mom. 100% confirmation was received. Knowing that the likeness wasn’t in my head, I had a choice to make- to date or not to date Dolly the Sheep.

I decided to give Alan a go, a decision from which there was no turning baaaa-ck.

We met at a cute Italian place in the Village. He was unbelievably friendly. Funny and smart too. So far, this look-alike had a lot in common with my Ex. As the conversation continued I discovered the myriad of differences that somehow infused Alan during the cloning process. Alan was a Type-A workaholic and very intense. The quiet strength that my Ex possesses was replaced by Alan’s loud and boisterous dialogue. This was evident when we discussed our favorite Broadway shows. Alan was very quick to say “Loved it!” or “Hated it!” whereas my Ex has the skill sets to explain why the production was a hit or a miss, and can do so with accuracy, precision and fact. Much like Vicki and Marley, and probably likely Dolly the Goat and her “parent”, the two individuals were just that- totally individual.

The bottom line- Alan may have a similar look, but the differences between he and my Ex were numerous. In all, my date with Alan was a good one. There was a spark that warranted a second date, which in fact happened.   And that has led to a third, and I’m sure the dates will continue. I’m not sure where this will lead, but I’m sure of one thing. If I allowed myself to discount Alan based on his looks, I would have missed out on meeting a great guy.

Would you date someone that looks a lot like your Ex?  Join the discussion on Twitter!  @CraigRogersNYC
Would you date someone that looks a lot like your Ex? Join the discussion on Twitter! @CraigRogersNYC

1Gr8Lesson

When we have the opportunity to date someone that looks a lot like our Ex, I believe the trepidation we face is that people will think we’re simply in re-casting mode. We’re afraid that people may think that we haven’t gotten over the original so we simply found a stunt double. In some cases that may be the reality, but oftentimes it isn’t. Perhaps the similarity in look is just a total coincidence, like my situation with Alan.

The book covers may look similar, but the story content will be drastically different.

Getting to know Alan was a lot of fun, and the more I learned about him the more I realized that he was so not my Ex. Two very different personalities and two very different backgrounds; the clone may have similar physical attributes but once you dug beneath the surface, the differences were obvious. So much so in fact that the more I continued looking at Alan, the more he looked like Alan and less like my Ex. Sure, the hair was the same, the face was similar, but the sparkle in Alan’s eye was quite different than that of my Ex (and believe me, my Ex’s eyes sparkle!).

I should have had my library card revoked if I turned down the opportunity to check out this new book.

If you find yourself in this position, I suggest giving Dolly the Goat a chance. The sooner you get past the look, the sooner you can dive in to learning about the person. Who knows- it could lead to creating a whole new chapter!

D8 with Sizzle Mafizzle

When I was a kid, Sunday morning always started with the smell of bacon frying. I was propelled from my to bed to the kitchen by that beautiful scent. My mother would greet me as she made our breakfast, but the real sight to behold was the bacon in the pan, sizzling with a goodness that was soon to grace my palate.

If anything, my love for bacon increased as I became an adult. So has my love for all things that sizzle. One such recent sizzle I encountered was courtesy of Match.com in the form of NJSteve63.

One of the first lessons learned from online dating is that there’s a systematic protocol regarding communication with a potential date. For example, on Tinder, conversation only begins if both parties agree to a mutual interest. On Match.com, conversation may begin with a “wink”, or an email may be sent to someone that may or may not be interested in you.

On Match.com, I noticed NJSteve63’s profile, a very intriguing one belonging to a very handsome guy. NJSteve63 had both a way with words and a home base that was geographically desirable. I could have waited to see if NJSteve63 would reach out to me, but I decided the profile was too good, warranting a first attempt on my part. I opted to skip the wink and go straight to the email…

Hey Steve- nice profile, great pictures, and I’d certainly like to learn more about you! If you like my profile, drop me a line!

Sure enough, Steve quickly replied.

   Hi Craig! Thanks for emailing- I really like your profile, and you’ve got great legs!

And with that, I was in an email correspondence with NJSteve63. I quickly learned that he was originally from Manhattan, a graduate of Horace Mann, and worked in publishing. He also had a sense of humor that was stellar. The conversations were light, fun, funny and even sometimes serious. Emails were exchanged throughout the day, and the next day… and the next.

As the witty banter continued with Steve, I knew the next step in communication must be taken…

   You’re definitely a fun guy to chat with- want to take it offline and on-phone?

I gave Steve my number, and he responded by giving me his, telling me that he’d call later in the day. He did, and our first conversation lasted an hour, followed by another the next evening that matched in duration. I was really enjoying getting to know Steve. I also knew that I really, really wanted to seal the deal on a first date.

Starting with the emails on Match, followed by a phone conversation and texting, the next step in communication was to set the first date- that’s the whole point of this online dating thing, right?

I sent Steve a text, asking for the date…

I was thinking we should meet for drink after work- does Wednesday or Thursday work for you?

…and he quickly responded,

   Damn- both nights are booked with work. How about Friday?

This is good… he’s definitely interested in meeting! We planned on a Friday Happy Hour at Gym Bar, a fun little place in Chelsea that was a perfect backdrop for meeting my Sizzle.

My Sizzle went to Fizzle when I received a 5pm text from Steve saying that he couldn’t make it. He said that he was held up at his office, and that we could maybe reschedule for another time. Maybe, he said. He added that he was going on a two-week business trip next week and would be really busy when he returned.

“No worries” was my response. I told him to hit me up when he’s available. As soon as I typed the message, I knew I’d never hear from him again.

I was right.

Sometimes a sizzle can last, and other times the sizzle is short-lived.
Sometimes a dating sizzle fizzles out.  Don’t let it stop you from getting back into the pan- your sizzle is out there!

1Gr8Lesson

Perhaps like you, when I entered into the online dating arena, I did with pure intention and pure heart. My endgame was to find the one, and online dating is simply a tool to achieve the goal. Luckily, most online daters are of the same mindset, but sometimes you encounter a few with intentions that might not be the same.

This is simply a hazard of the game.

Considering that Steve and I had a great rapport, I was the one that pushed for the face-to-face date. I really believe that if I didn’t, we’d still be in that stage of just an online chat. Steve may have eventually asked for a real date, but my gut tells me that he was happy with just the online chatting.

Maybe Steve wasn’t honest in his presentation about being available for a relationship? Maybe Steve wanted nothing more than a chat? How can a Sizzle turn into a Fizzle?

Maybe there’s just not an answer.

There is no point in wasting time wondering about the “why” or the “how” or the “if”. It is what it is, and you have better things to do.

It’s very easy to let one dating mishap derail your dating train. Please don’t fall into that trap. Don’t let one bad egg keep you from eating breakfast. Get out that pan, heat it up, and before you know it you’ll be enjoying a new and wonderful sizzle!