Category Archives: #relationships

D8 with a Vanilla Scone

In the immortal almost words of Ke$ha, “It’s going down… I’m now on Tinder!”

I’m no stranger to online dating, and like most I’m no stranger to the potential disappointment that online sourcing of dates may bring. From JDate to Match.com, online dating is a pretty acceptable way to put you out there. When I mentioned Tinder to friends, their reaction was very different to my other online efforts. The general consensus is that Tinder is just a hook-up site. I believe that ANY online dating site can be a hook-up site… if that’s what you’re seeking. My approach to Tinder is the same as my approach on other sites- to find quality people to date.

The bottom line to Tinder or any other online relationship-sourcing site is that although it’s a tool to get into the game, the playing field is an actual date.

One of my Tinder matches was Gerald. His profile pictures were great, and the texting was, in the exact words of my pal Dateologist Tracey Steinberg, “fun and flirty”. We decided to get together after the holidays, seeing that both of us were pretty busy. The Saturday after the New Year was the perfect time to meet for a coffee.

When Gerald arrived, I was very pleased that his profile pictures were obviously current. He was a great looking man with a very nice smile. As we waited in line, Gerald and I inspected the baked goods in the Starbuck’s case.

“Anything look good to you?” I asked.
“I always go for the vanilla scone,” he responded.
“Never tried that before. I’m eying the chocolate covered graham crackers.”
“You should give the vanilla scone a try.”

I ordered the vanilla scone and my usual Venti bold, and we grabbed a table. As we started our conversation, I couldn’t help but notice that Gerald seemed to be a bit reserved. Friendly yes, but definitely on the quiet side. As the conversation continued, I realized that Gerald was extremely introverted. Being introverted is fine, but it’s sort of like a magnifying glass that makes my own extroversion seem even bigger.

As I ate my vanilla scone, I thought that maybe Gerald had a case of the first date nerves. As a potential antidote, I started asking him questions about what he likes to do in his spare time.

Typically, when talking about pets or hobbies or other things that jazz you results in letting go of the conversational trepidation, removing the barrier potentially caused by first date nerves.

The result? It worked. Gerald told me about making smoothies with kale, puppy sitting for a friend, and that he enjoys meditational retreats. The thing that scared me was that his vocal inflection never raised, nor did his level of enthusiasm. Gerald was flatter than a Flat Stanley. Perhaps he thought our date was a meditational retreat is what I thought to myself as I polished off my vanilla scone. Eating the scone kept me awake during an exchange that was dryer than the Sahara.

Ke$ha’s lyric of “One more shot, another round. End of the night, it’s going down” didn’t apply to my date with Gerald. I didn’t want a refill of coffee, and I had my fill of vanilla. The scone was actually tasty, but it didn’t have the melt in your mouth chocolate savor of the graham crackers. Nothing was going down with Gerald. As I said goodbye to him, I thought to myself that my dating life is really no different than my hunger for sweets. I crave something with a bit more of a punch.

Vanilla

1Gr8Lesson

Regardless of your choice of “service provider”, online dating has some pitfalls. As you begin communicating with someone via text, you may feel a connection with the person. However you need to ask yourself… is the connection real?

If you are feeling the groove with an online match, take the communication from texting online to getting on line for a coffee at Starbucks.

The dialogue you share via texting is a great start, however nothing beats a face-to-face meeting. An actual date will allow you to add not only their voice to their words, but also their expressions and level of enthusiasm. You’ll be able to experience your date’s laugh, and the sparkle in their eyes.

Or perhaps not… as in my date with the Vanilla Scone. That’s why it’s important to take if off the computer screen to into a first date venue sooner than later. Don’t lose site of the mission- it’s about making a connection on a date, not on your screen.

D8 with a Glue Stick

Ever have a date that doesn’t say a word, but in the “big picture” says SO much?

I was fortunate to spend some time with Fourth-Generation Psychic Medium and Author Linda Lauren, and she taught me how to make a Relationship Collage. Having experienced a First Grade art class, I know how to make a collage.

The collage that Linda showed me how to make has a greater purpose.

As we participate in the process of dating, we have ideas, hopes and expectations as to the characteristics of our dream date that morphs into a dream relationship. We think about the type of person with which we wish to build a relationship. The purpose of a Relationship Collage is to take those thoughts and ideas and manifest those intentions into a visual. By doing so, we are also placing positive influence on The Law of Attraction, which Linda explains in the video.

As you watch, please remember that the contents of your collage are all up to you. It all depends on the intentions you want to put out there. If you take a close look at mine you’ll see my intentions, such as pictures about cooking and travel and words like “very smart”. You’ll also see some pictures where you might not understand my intention- and that’s ok… it’s my Relationship Collage. An example of this would be a picture of furniture that looks almost identical to my dining room set. This symbolizes my intention of finding someone that has the desire to build a home with me. The possibilities are endless for your Relationship Collage; just remember to include the year and a picture of yourself- Linda explains why in the video.

I hope you decide to grab a pair of scissors, some magazines and a glue stick. If you give this idea a go, you’ll see how making a Relationship Collage really helps you visualize the qualities you want in a new partner. Making a Relationship Collage really helped me to fine tune my intentions. And the BEST part is that you can always add more pictures later as you discover new intentions that are important to you.

Enjoy the video, and grab that glue stick!

To learn more about Linda Lauren, please visit http://www.lindalauren.com and check out her latest novel, Sentimental Journey!

And be sure to like the 1FineD8 page on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/1FineD8

1FineVideo- Is Your Date Rude to Others?

Have you found yourself in the situation where your date is not so nice to others? Maybe it’s to a store clerk, or a waiter… or perhaps your friend. If your answer is “yes”, you need to watch this video! Dateologist Tracey Steinberg and I tackle this question on this installment of Ready… Set… DATE!

Have you been in this situation? How did you handle it and what happened? Please share your experience!

For more information on Dateologist Tracey Steinberg, please visit http://www.traceysteinberg.com!

1FineVideo- Is Your Date Generous to Others?

Is your date interested in giving back to the community? Do they like to join you when participating in volunteer activities? If the answer is “no”, and giving back is important to you, you need to watch this video! Dateologist Tracey Steinberg and I tackle this question on this installment of Ready… Set… DATE!

Have you been in this situation? How did you handle it and what happened? Please share your experience!

For more information on Dateologist Tracey Steinberg, please visit http://www.traceysteinberg.com!

1FineVideo- How to Get a Date!

You see someone cute… do you initiate a conversation, or do you just continue admiring from afar? Dateologist Tracey Steinberg and I tackle this question on this week’s Ready… Set… DATE!

Have you been in this situation? How did you handle it and what happened? Please share your experience!

For more information on Dateologist Tracey Steinberg, please visit http://www.traceysteinberg.com!

Ten Ways to HoliDate!

Being single in a Winter Wonderland can be an interesting experience for us in the dating scene. With the hustle of the holiday season, most of us get caught up with attending and preparing holiday dinners, parties and other outings with friends and family. As a Dater, it’s easy to neglect our dating opportunities with “December Distractions”.

As Daters, we can’t afford to miss an opportunity for what could be an amazing HoliDate!

Turning that Winter Wonderland to a Wonderful HoliDate is actually a very simple thing to accomplish, and the week between Christmas and New Year’s is the perfect time to get into the HoliDating scene. Take my city, for example. There are so many things to do in New York, and with the backdrop of holiday decorations and excitement, the spirit of the season will provide a backdrop to 1FineD8.

Here’s a look at my top ten HoliDate ideas:

Turn up the heat with some hot chocolate in a romantic setting. Enjoying a hot chocolate or a coffee drink makes for a warm and tasty first date! One of my faves is Knave at Le Parker Meridien Hotel. You’re the boss when it comes to the milk to chocolate ratio, making your hot chocolate a one-of-a-kind specialized creation. For more information visit http://www.parkermeridien.com/eat/knave/

Knave provides the perfect backdrop for 1FineHotChocolate!
Knave provides the perfect backdrop for 1FineHotChocolate!

Be on the top of the world with the City at your feet! Nothing beats a rooftop bar, especially when it’s heated! Check out the specialty drinks and the view from the rooftop of the Peninsula Hotel. Great cocktails, and a view of the Fifth Avenue Snowflake that is unparalleled! For more information visit http://newyork.peninsula.com/en/fine-dining/salon-de-ning-rooftop-bar

Birds eye view of the Unicef Snowflake, thanks to the Peninsula!
Birds eye view of the Unicef Snowflake, thanks to the Peninsula!

Shopping and Skating and Snacks…. Oh My! Put the “S” in spectacular when you have a HoliDate at the Bryant Park Bank of America Winter Village. You and your date can do some fun shopping (stores close 4 January- hurry!) and take a whirl on the skating rink. Grabbing a snack at Celsius is the cherry on the sundae of this 1FineD8! For more information visit http://www.bryantpark.org/things-to-do/wintervillage.html

Fashion Week or not, nothing is more stylish than Bryant Park.
Fashion Week or not, nothing is more stylish than Bryant Park.

Taking in the holiday themed department store windows is picture perfect! Nothing says holiday like seeing the windows of New York department stores. I suggest meeting your date at Macy’s Broadway entrance, and from there head to Lord and Taylor. Walk uptown on Fifth Avenue, taking in all the store windows, and make a right after visiting Bergdorf Goodman. Head East, starting with Barney’s and ending with Bloomingdales. It’s great cardio, and the walk will give you plenty of time for conversation!

Take in the excitement of the holiday exterior of Saks Fifth Avenue.
Take in the excitement of the holiday exterior of Saks Fifth Avenue.

Keep warm with something… chilly. You’re already on the East Side from your Window Walk, so why not enjoy a famous Frozen Hot Chocolate at Serendipity! Of course, it’s romantic to share, but I always want my date to know the real me…. which is why ordering two is mandatory! For more information visit http://www.serendipity3.com/

A Frozen Hot Chocolate can be shared, but why when you can order two!
A Frozen Hot Chocolate can be shared, but why when you can order two!

Welcome aboard the Love Boat, 2.0. A cruise around Manhattan with that special someone can be a fantastic experience. From dinner cruises to rides with Carolers, there are many options, including New Year’s Eve! Check out the website below for the perfect sailing! For more information visit http://www.sail-nyc.com/NYC-Holiday-Cruise

Views of Manhattan are amazing from the Hudson River!
Views of Manhattan are amazing from the Hudson River!

Sometimes you just need a fireside hamburger! When I first moved to New York, one of my first dates as a new New Yorker was at Molly’s. This Third Avenue mainstay makes one of the best burgers in Manhattan, and the fireplace is romantic as all get-out! For more information visit http://www.mollysshebeen.com/

Mollys-pub

All you need is Love, Actually. There are lots of holiday movies from which to choose, but nothing really hits the heartstrings like Love, Actually. Enjoying this flick with your special someone before or after Christmas can make for one romantic date, especially if you include a little couch cuddling! When cuddling, all the cool kids are going undercover with Berkshire Blankets. Give one a try! For more information visit http://www.berkshireblanket.com

Keep your date under wraps with a warm and cozy blanket!
Keep your date under wraps with a warm and cozy blanket!

A little game playing can be a good thing. If you and your date are college football fans, you know that the fun begins on New Year’s Day. Need to find the perfect place to watch the Sugar Bowl? Try the SportChaser.com app! This new app will tell you the options available for watching your favorite games, be it college football in January or baseball in April. For more information visit http://www.sportchaser.com

Plan a date that will leave your date cheering!
Plan a date that will leave your date cheering!

Workout dates? No Sweat! Start those New Year’s fitness resolutions with a partner in crime! 24 Hour Fitness makes getting a guest pass super easy with just one visit to their website. You can do your own thing, or take a Group Fitness class together. With three locations in Manhattan from which to choose, you can pick the perfect place for a hot date without bother. For more information visit http://24hourfitness.com

24 Hour Fitness in Soho
24 Hour Fitness in Soho

Regardless of your home base, you can easily take inspiration from these ideas and apply them to your location. Every city has hot chocolate, all towns have cool burger joints, and ice-skating is pretty universal. One thing’s for sure… if you take advantage of the fun vibe and the excitement in the air, you’re one step closer to ending 2014 with a bang-up date!

D8 with Goofy, Charming, Aladdin and Doc

It’s a world of laughter and a world of tears,
It’s a world of hopes, and a world of fears…

Let’s focus on the fear for a moment.

I recently had a date with a gentleman named Bart. He was a musician in his early fifties, well known in his industry and had a large circle of friends and collogues. While enjoying a cocktail at Ritz Bar and Lounge, a fantastic Midtown venue, the conversation flowed like a well-written song. We reached the topic of vacation destinations. Bart lit up like the Enchanted Castle at night as he told me of his one and only option.

“I only vacation at Disneyworld!” exclaimed Bart, as happy as one of the Dwarves when Snow White rings the dinner bell. “I’ve gone every year since I was 19!”

I did the math. At 53, Bart has been to Disneyworld 34 times.

Bart is one of the handfuls of men I have met lately that are obsessed with all things Disney. By obsessed, I mean these are men that can sing every lyric to every Disney song. Men who not just know the plot line of every Disney story, but also can tell you the scenery, costuming and year it was released on DVD. These are men that are the first to pre-order the DVD of Frozen and the last to leave the theatre when they see Aladdin… for the fourth time. And when it comes to vacation, you can bet Cinderella’s pumpkin coach that they’re on a flight to Orlando dreaming of their check-in at the Grand Floridian because last time they stayed at the Yacht Club.

From my past experience with DisneyHolics, I knew that I had to be exceptionally careful in my approach.

“It’s the only place you go to on vacation?” I asked.

“Absolutely! Why go anywhere else?” replied Bart. “The resorts have everything you could want. When were you there last?”

This is when I remembered… the Disney obsessed believe everyone has taken a hit of Tinker Bell’s Magic Fairy Dust and feels the exact same way about the Magic Kingdom.

“I’ve never been,” I said with a smile. I might as well have told Bart that I singlehandedly drowned a litter of kittens.

“That’s just stupid- how can you miss out on this? It’s magical!” he said with undying enthusiasm combined with just a shred of judgmental disgust. “Where do you like to vacation?”

“I love the beach. When I think Florida, I think Lauderdale,” was my honest answer.

“Eww. Don’t like the beach. It’s hot and dirty,” responded Bart. “If things work out with us, I’m taking you to Disneyworld.”

That was probably the scariest thing a date has ever suggested, and I’ve heard a lot of suggestions. Disney is just not my thing. It’s a fantastic necessity if you have children. Not being a parent, a Disney vacation has never been on my radar. And he was very quick to nix the idea of the beach and the idea of relaxing seaside or poolside working on a tan and enjoying that Golden Sun.

There is just one moon
and one golden sun.
And a smile means friendship to everyone…

Let’s focus on that friendship smile for the moment as I plan my date-exit strategy.

It turns out planning my exit strategy wasn’t necessary- all it took was my answer to the following question… “Have you seen Frozen?”

“No, I missed that one,” I replied.

There was almost no need for a verbal response from Bart. His reaction of shock, combined with disbelief and horror could only be paralleled to finding out that I made a coat from the kittens I killed earlier and wore it out barhopping with Lindsey Lohan.

“I really don’t think we have much in common, Craig,” replied Bart.

At last- Bart said something that I could get on board with 100%.

“I think you’re right, and that’s totally OK,” I said sporting that friendship smile.

And with that, the date was over. I decided to take advantage of the warm, fall evening and walk for a few blocks. I wasn’t the only one taking in the beauty of Manhattan on this warm fall night- many were hitting the streets just like me. Smiles and skyline everywhere I looked. I realized that I was already in my own Magic Kingdom and somewhere in this enchanted land my own beach loving, HGTV watching and bourbon drinking Prince Charming is waiting for me.

MM

1Gr8Lesson

Being different is one of great things that make humans human. Different looks, different likes and different opinions can really lead to not just a fine date, but also a spectacular relationship. There’s nothing more fun than sharing points of view, and sometimes your own point of view may change based on the insight that others provide. Sometimes, differences are learning opportunities, whereas sometimes the differences are obstacles.

Sometimes there’s just one difference too many.

A love for Disney- even one that borderlines obsession- is not the strongest example of a deal-breaker difference but was one for me nevertheless. In my case, I know I could never be the partner Bart needs because there’s no way I’m spending valuable vacation time in a Disney park on a yearly basis. There’s also no way I’m curling up on the couch with him on a snowy Saturday watching The Little Mermaid for the 18th time. And I’m sure he would be just as enthusiastic at the prospect of a beach week in Waikiki or a marathon of America’s Next Top Model or Pawn Stars.

Some differences are much more serious, involving religion, politics, and whether or not a marriage is in the cards. As a responsible dater with our eyes on the prize of a lasting relationship, we need to keep our eyes open to the differences that could be deal breakers.

When a difference becomes a roadblock, it’s best to take a detour and get a new map.

Think about the difference in question and ask yourself, “Is this something I can live with… every day.” If the answer is yes, then chances are it’s not the biggest difference after all.

If the answer is no, then ask yourself if the entire “body of work” this person brings to the table makes the difference something you can live with every day. If the answer is still no, then it’s time to move on.

We know the road to “Happily Ever After” isn’t going to be easy, but discovering major differences in the beginning and making decisions based on them early on is much easier than suffering the ramifications of eating a poisoned apple.

D8 with Two Dicks

Elizabeth Taylor married Dick twice. Samantha Stevens had one Darrin, but Elizabeth Montgomery worked with the two Dicks that played him. Even the 2014 Stanley Cup Final had two opposing Forwards, both were Richards. Without trying, I too had a date with Dick… and a date with Dick.

Let’s start with the second Dick and work our way back to the first…

Dick was a very nice man I met online. We chatted for a couple days, and planned a date for the weekend. Seeing that Dick was New Jersey based, I suggested we grab a glass of wine at Ferraro’s in Westfield, which is a great Italian restaurant with really good food. Dick was adamantly against Ferraro’s and anything in Westfield.

“Can’t do Westfield- my Ex lives there, and I don’t want us running into him,” explained Dick, who seemed to be very nervous by what’s in my opinion the perfect East Coast town.

“Ok… we can meet somewhere else. Where would you like to meet?” I replied.

“There’s a diner in Plainfield that’s nice. We can get cake.” was his response.

Not exactly my idea of a hip and happening location for a first date, but the idea of cake seemed to put Dick at ease. I met him the following night for cake, coffee and a very interesting conversation.

To say Dick was timid would be an understatement. He was very soft spoken, almost borderline meek. It was difficult to get him talking. I got him talking about his dog, his house, and a little about his career. The conversation really got interesting was when I asked him if he likes sports, and if he follows college football.

“Oh no, I don’t like football. Too rough. I do play tennis. My Ex and I played tennis a lot.”

And so it starts… why do people talk about their Ex on a first date with someone new?

Dick continued, “My Ex is a really good player. He played in college and almost went pro.”

With that, my inner Hardy Boy took over and I started to connect the dots. “Your Ex is a tennis player that lives in Westfield?” I asked.

“Oh God, did you sleep with my Ex?”

“No, pretty sure I can say no to that. Is his name Dick too?’
“Oh God, you DID sleep with him!”

This brings us to the first Dick.

“No Dick, I didn’t sleep with Dick,” I said, which made me start to giggle. “I’m sorry, it’s just kind of funny to me that I went on a date with your Ex, who’s also a Dick.” It probably didn’t help matters that I was still giggling.

“Oh, he sure is a dick!” said Dick.

“I went on a date with him early in the summer. Totally not a love connection, but he seemed like a nice guy.” And then I had to ask the question that 99% of the time only affects gay couples. It’s the very reason why I don’t plan to ever get involved with a Craig.

“When you guys were together, how in the hell did you deal with being Dick and Dick?”

“He’s crazy!” said Dick. “It’s very hard for me to talk to him, which is why I didn’t want to meet in Westfield and risk seeing him. And this isn’t the first time this has happened- everyone has had a date with Dick.”

Of course, that comment made me laugh, and again, I was not helping matters. Even though I was giggling, I really thought that Dick was going to breakdown in tears over Dick. He was visibly upset, and it was obvious that he was nowhere close to being over his Ex.

“Why does the topic of the Ex always come up on a first date?” asked a rather shaken up Dick.

“It doesn’t, Dick,” I replied. “There are so many topics that are in bounds for a first date, but the history you shared with someone else shouldn’t be on the field.”

Dick continued to lament about his failed relationship with Dick, sharing more information than anyone needed to know. It was evident that there was one too many Dicks at this table. I finished the last few bites of my lemon cake (which was actually pretty good considering it came from a big rotating cake cooler; the ones that really should be the New Jersey state mascot) and waived at our very nice waitress to bring the check.

Needless to say, there will not be a second date with Dick… or with Dick.

f8d1e66e32ae7ffb2a7787b98ec098c3

1Gr8Lesson

The major lesson learned in this not-so-fine date is one that a lot of daters have not mastered. When you have someone new sharing time with you, they want to know about YOU. They want to see if there’s a connection; a commonality that could lead to something more. Daters are looking for attraction.

On a first date, what is more of connection buster and less attractive than a conversation about an Ex?

I believe the “Case of the Two Dicks” might just give the answer. When I went on the date with Dick #1, he never mentioned his past relationships. Not once. We talked about sports, shopping and the fashion and music of the 80’s. It was fun and easy, but in the end, I didn’t find him attractive and there was simply no spark. Obviously from knowledge gained from Dick #2, his Ex is an active dater. I can safely assume that Dick #1 has successfully moved past his last relationship and is ready to embark on the next.

As for Dick #2, he is nowhere near ready to board the USS Next Relationship. His refusal to meet for a drink in Westfield due to his fear of seeing his Ex was the first sign. Dick’s reaction when I mentioned someone that happened to be the Ex in question sealed the deal- Dick isn’t over his past relationship.

I’ve given a lot of thought to whether or not any of us are ever truly over someone from our pasts. I believe in many ways our Exs have left a mark on our hearts and our brains forever. There’s a very big difference between being aware of the influences past relationships have given us, and being held hostage by the ghost of a past spouse or partner. Those of us that trend toward the former have their past relationship in a perspective that allows them to move forward. Those of us that trend toward the latter are the ones that bring up an Ex on a first date. Those of us that trend toward the latter probably need to re-evaluate their entry into the dating scene. Perhaps what’s holding them back from 1FineD8 is going on a date too soon.

Bottom line- don’t discuss your Ex on a first date. If your date brings up the subject of past relationships, simply don’t take the bait. Change the subject, and if your date persists, tell them that Gangnam Style was so last year too, and you’re not discussing that either.

D8 with Dr. No

Meeting a first date at one of the Ninth Avenue bars in Manhattan’s Hell’s Kitchen is an acceptable venue for any gay New Yorker, and it was perfectly conducive for my first date with Frank. We decided to meet at Industry, which has a fun and happening Happy Hour. When I spotted him at the bar, I was pleasantly surprised that he looked even better in person. Sharp dresser, nice brief case, and a very welcoming smile, Frank was definitely a happening mid-fifties guy.

We grabbed a drink and went to the couches on the side of the bar, allowing us to have a semi-quiet conversation. And what a conversation it was- it was as if I had known Frank for years. From home décor and DYI projects to shopping a great Lord and Taylor sale, we had a lot in common. We shared a lot of laughs, and there was definitely a spark.

The next topic on deck was music. Frank wanted to know my favorite concert of all time.

“That’s easy- definitely Prince and Sheila E.! Three of my fraternity brothers and I drove to Indianapolis to see them, and it was amazing. Gee, that must have been ‘85… maybe ’86.” I responded, taking a sip of my Heineken Light.

And then, as if a pack of beavers built a dam on my 1FineD8 River, the flow of our conversation came to an abrupt halt.

“Wait- you were in college in ’85?” asked a surprised Frank. “How old are you?”

“I just turned 49 this past July,” I responded. “I thought we covered the age thing in our pre-date conversation.”

“Oh. Guess not. I just assumed you were in your early 40’s,” said Frank. “ You don’t look that old in person.”

That old? I was a little puzzled by the point this fifty-plus man was trying to make.

“Well… thanks… I’m flattered you thought I was younger, but 49 really isn’t that old, you know.”

Frank didn’t respond.

The conversation continued, but with a very different tone. Thanks to my coming out as a 49-year old man, the spark was out and cold to the touch. I forgot what led to Frank making the following comment, but it was like an announcement from the Emergency Broadcast System telling me to evacuate the date.

“Guys our age like to date younger.”

I didn’t even need a second to respond.

“Totally disagree, Frank. I want to be able to have a conversation with a date about 1985 and get a spark of recollection in return. I don’t want to be a history teacher, even to a cute 27-year old”.

With that, the date was over. I went my way, and I assume Frank went off in his “One Direction”.

martini-glass-clipart-5

1Gr8Lesson

Sean Connery is so timeless that his portrayal of James Bond started in 1962 with Dr. No, and ended in 1983 with Never Say Never Again. He was 53 when he last played James Bond. He was almost 60 when he was named People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. Sean Connery is living proof that sexy can be achieved at any age. I think Frank somehow missed this memo, and it seems likely he would have said “no” to James Bond.

I fully admit that I liked Frank. He was cute, smart and funny- and the right age for me. I would have easily asked for a second date based on how the first part of our first date went. The challenge was that I was the only ticket holder for the 2ndFineD8.

Sometimes, our date says “No”. They might not come right out and say the word, but they will drop the clue that a second date isn’t going to happen.

Guess what? That’s OK.

The sooner we accept that we are not going to be everyone’s flavor, the sooner we can brush off the defeat and move on to the next round. Some dates may not like your sense of style, and some may not like your profession. Some dates may not appreciate your sense of humor, your age, and may simply say that you’re not their “type”. Regardless of the reason, it’s not a fine date if the spark is one-sided. We all deserve a date, and eventually a relationship, where there are so many sparks from every angle that you both have no idea which one actually set the fire.

Again, it’s OK if you hear a “no”. Being on the receiving end of a no is never the way we want to end our evening, but once we come to terms that this might happen, the sooner we can bounce back and be on to the next dating adventure. Before you know it, you’ll be on that fine date where the only “no” you hear is “I want to get to “know” you better!”.

D8 without the Spectacles

I love a good coffee date with a great friend, and when that great friend is Dateologist Tracey Steinberg, the coffee date is destined to be a great one! Midway through our time together, Tracey asked how my dating life has been going. I filled her in on a situation that is straight out of her incredible book, Flirt for Fun & Meet the One- Dating Secrets from the Dateologist.

In Tracey’s book and in her Flirting Parties, she suggests that when in a social scenario and you want to meet new people, using the environment to find a topic for conversation is a great way to approach someone you’re interested in meeting. I explained to Tracey that I inadvertently changed the environment of a social setting by doing something as simple as taking my glasses off. Within minutes, a cute guy approached saying, “You took your glasses off!”, starting a conversation that ended with a request for a date. Tracey asked me to take my glasses off, and stared at me. She then asked me to put them back on, and to take them off again. My dear friend and very smart Dateologist suggested I try ditching the spectacles the next time I go out. Tracey suggested I shake up my look and let the men of Manhattan see my eyes, not see a pair of Ray Ban bifocals.

Tracey has never led me astray, so that is exactly what I promised to do- glasses off and in the pocket on my next excursion. And that’s what came to pass three days later. I specifically wore a button-down with a left breast pocket that would accommodate my spectacles. I was easily able to see people, but did run into a bit of squinting when discerning a twenty from a ten when purchasing my first Heineken. As I walked around the bar, I noticed that I was getting a lot of looks. I smiled at a few of the guys, and the next thing I knew one was talking to me, followed by another. Others walked by, and definitely checked me out.

Seems Tracey was right- men make passes at men who don’t wear glasses!

At a moment when I was alone, I noticed a man that was incredibly handsome. He was an interesting combination of the dangerous bad boy edge of Jack Nicholson with the debonair look of Robert Wagner circa Heart to Heart. Anyone who knows me well knows that combination is definitely a flavor that holds my interest. A man who was talking with my bad boy dreamboat motioned me over to ask my opinion on a topic, and that’s how I met Max. Within a short amount of time, Max and I pulled away from the conversation and focused on just us. Lots in common, lots of laughs, and three hours later we made plans to meet for dinner the next week.

Tracey was right- taking off my glasses helped others to see me. We’ll see what happens with Max, but I believe he has 1FineD8 potential. If we brought it to a vote, I believe the “eyes” would have it no other way!

glass

2Gr8Lessons

Applying Tracey Steinberg’s feedback proved to be a very smart move on my part. Not everyone gets to have coffee with this groovy and smart Dateologist, so I highly suggest visiting www.TraceySteinburg.com to learn more about her. I also suggest getting her book, Flirt for Fun & Meet the One- Dating Secrets from the Dateologist. It’s available on Amazon.com, and can be found at: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1497512786/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me

Sometimes you need to change up your look to attract a potential 1FineD8. I love my glasses like I love my coffee, black and bold, but sometimes people take their coffee differently. Sometimes they don’t even like coffee (which for me is so hard to believe!). Like Starbucks, changing the focus of the menu, sometimes featuring the pumpkin bread instead of the dark drip, helps the “consumer” see the many facets of your brand. One of the first things Max said to me was that he thought my eyes were amazing. I sincerely don’t believe that Max saying that to me sans spectacles was a sign of him being shallow- he would have said the same thing to me if the glasses were out of my pocket and resting comfortably on the bridge of my nose.

When you plan to go out with friends or by yourself to cultivate a prospective 1FineD8, switch up your look once in a while. It’s difficult to explain, but doing this will also flip a switch in your mind, and your carriage will improve and your mindset might actually be more confident. Both were proven true for me in this experiment. If you’re a pants gal, try a cute skirt with killer boots. Guys might want to consider khakis and loafers as opposed to denim and sneakers. And for all of us four-eyed daters, consider taking those glasses off. You might just have the best night ever- one that’s mind blowing to the Max!