Tag Archives: relationship

D8 with the 76th Trombone

Since the dawn of tabloid time, we’ve read and sometimes witnessed celebrity May/December relationships. Dyan Cannon and Cary Grant paved the Age-Difference Highway so others like Alec Baldwin, Calvin Klein and Mary Kate Olsen could navigate freely with their partners in spite of decades of age differentiation.

Lately, a lot of press has been given to actor Stephen Fry and his engagement to Elliott Spencer. We have no idea where they are registered or who is catering the reception. What we do know is that there’s a 30-year age difference. What we also know is that some perceive Fry as a creepy old man and Spencer as a gold digging opportunist. The Age Difference Highway may give these couples a passage, however it’s one that’s paved in questioning, doubt and speculation by others.

I admit, I would be guilty of holding the same perception about couples with an extreme age difference, if it weren’t for the 76th Trombone.

When I met Albert for coffee, my first reaction was that he looked a bit older than he did in his pictures from Match.com. Out of the gate, he told me that he was 76 years old. Of course, I quickly did the math- a 27-year age difference. I smiled, took a sip of my Venti, and said, “Not a problem, Albert.” This of course was a true statement for coffee… perhaps not so much for a potential boyfriend.

As we conversed, I learned a lot about this man. With 76 years under his belt, he had a lot to say. A retired Naval officer, he has lived all over the world, giving him a very interesting perspective on a variety of topics. Albert had a great laugh and a sparkle in his eyes. What made Albert most charming was that he was really interested in what I had to say. He listened, was very quick with a comeback (which is an attribute that always holds my attention) and he had the gift of remembering things I said and bringing them up later.

As far as first dates go, I had a splendid time with Albert. As I drove home, I thought about his laugh. If you closed your eyes and just listened, his laugh didn’t come with an age. It was a sound that could come from any trombone, be is the 45th or the 55th. If you remove the number 76 and judge Albert for Albert, there was no question that he scored high on the first date rating scale.

I then thought about the age difference- 27 years. Granted, our age gap was barely less than that of Stephen Fry and Elliott Spencer, but it was more than anyone I’ve ever dated. Is that something I could handle? I thought about other couples driving on the Age-Difference Highway, like Stephen Sondheim and Jeff Goldblum. Their cars seem to be fully operational, and their journeys appear to be happy ones. Perhaps I too should not be so wrapped on the model year and just place my focus on the ride.

By the time I reached home, I had received a text from him asking for a second date. Two hours later, I received an email from Albert saying that he could really see us in a relationship. The next day, I received another email inviting me to meet his friends over dinner and to spend the night at his place.

The 76th Trombone was playing a song I’ve heard before… same as the 48th and the 53rd Trombones… he wanted an instant relationship.

Albert was definitely rushing things, which was a really big turn-off and typically a deal breaker for me. It was at that point I realized that it wasn’t just the laugh that was ageless. The need for an instant relationship also knows no age. Albert at 76 or 46 or even 86 most likely wasn’t the guy for me. I did enjoy a second date with him, and I’m happy to say that I definitely gained a new friend.

Don't let the parade pass you by, be it with any of the trombones.
Don’t let the parade pass you by, be it with any of the trombones.

1Gr8Lesson

The 76th Trombone opened my eyes to my own judgment about couples with significant age difference.

If you question the validity of a relationship just because of an age difference, you might be alone in questioning. The participants in the relationship aren’t questioning- they’re too busy living.

There are certain aspects of our daily that need to be judged by dates, like dairy products. If milk is past it’s prime, it’s easy to discard. People aren’t dairy, and judging them by an implied shelf life may just cost you a great experience. It may even cost you the opportunity of a great love. In the end, I just didn’t have enough things in common with Albert to make a go of it as boyfriends. But if we did, I can guarantee I would have veered onto the Age Difference Highway with the abandon of a warm summer’s drive.

In The Music Man, Marian the Librarian most likely never thought she would end up with someone like Professor Hill. She opened her eyes and her heart to someone way outside of her dating box. Be it age, background, or demographic, if you close your eyes and just listen to the laugh, the sound may lead to birds singing and bells ringing. You just have to take the blinders off, get rid of the “what will others think” and be open to what YOU think and feel!

If you do, you might just find love all around.

D8 with Someone Else’s Someone

The song that’s repeating in my head is from Bette Midler’s album, Thighs and Whispers. It’s called Married Men.

    The world is filled with married men,
    with wives that never understand.
    They do it. Do it. Do it.

The married men of 1978 differ somewhat from their 2015 counterparts. With the 1978 version, you kind of know what you’re getting, whereas the 2015 version has diversified his brand, covering a variety of scenarios requiring explanation to today’s dater. Does today’s married man have a wife? A husband? Maybe he has an open marriage? Perhaps he’s separated, living under the same roof as his ex, and the divorce hasn’t been settled yet. Possibly he’s a retro 1978 version- his spouse has no clue he’s seeking extra-curricular activities with a new someone.

The one commonality between married men of 1978 and 2015 is that they’re looking for action, and the decision whether or not to play is yours.

Thanks to a Tinder match, I met Jackson. He was very tall, very Texan and exceptionally charming. Meeting Jackson for a coffee was a no-brainer, and we set a coffee date in the first fifteen minutes of our online chat.

I was very excited to meet him at Starbucks, and when he stood up to greet me from the table he secured, he lived up to every stereotype of Texas- Jackson was larger than life. At 6’4” with hands the size of a west Texas ranch and a smile brighter than the Dallas skyline at noon, his handshake was one of the most memorable I’ve ever experienced.

Our conversation got off to a great start. Jackson’s charm online converted to real time in spades. We had lots of laughs right out of the gate. After the typical first date questions of “How was your day?” and “How long have you lived in Manhattan?”, I asked Jackson what he likes to do in his spare time. I wasn’t quite prepared for his answer…

“Well, I’m married,” said Jackson. “My wife knows, and I told her that I will leave her once I find the man I want to build a life with. All I have to do is find a man who will be committed to me and is willing to wait until I end my marriage and explain to my kids that I’m gay.”

In his spare time he was married? The only thing going through my head was Bette Midler taking me back to 1978 with her beautiful smile, trademark boobs and perfectly written lyrics …

    He promises to marry you
    Yeah, just as soon as his divorce comes through.
    Whoa, it’s not just a fling
    He swears, it’s the real thing

I quickly returned to 2015 to respond to Jackson. “I never thought of marriage as a spare time activity. Interesting. So you’re looking for a man to commit to you, when you’re not in the position to commit to them?”

“That’s right, until I can get a divorce. Then we can be together, but I have to be convinced that he will be there for me once I’m out of my marriage.”

At that point, I remembered some advice from The Devine Miss M…

    Now listen, they’re hungry.
    Don’t trust a married man,
    Oh, the world is full of them.

Everything is bigger in Texas, and it seems that with this date, the only thing bigger than the Texas-sized disappointment was the Texas-sized line of bullshit that was served up next to my Venti Mocha Latte. I stood up, grabbed my coat with my left hand and my Venti with my right and was out of there faster than an approaching dust storm in Lubbock.

I wasn’t going to play.

Ringer

1Gr8Lesson

If you’re deciding whether or not you want to pursue a relationship with someone else’s someone, you need to be aware of the following:

1. Be ready to spend New Year’s Eve alone and Valentine’s Day on February 13th. You will never get custody of him for major holidays because his social calendar is booked with the one that wears his ring.

2. The odds aren’t in your favor regarding the building of a future with this person because he’s already painted in someone else’s picture.

3. Be on the ready for a confrontation by someone from the spouse’s camp or from the spouse themselves- the potential from going from “secret” to “target” are quite high.

4. If things actually work out with your married date and he does get that divorce and begins a life with you, there’s a very good chance that he’ll stay with you until he finds someone else that he wants to build a life with. He successfully did it once before; he might just try it again and you will always wonder…

If your goal is a monogamous relationship, you need to remember that when pursuing someone else’s someone, you’re positioning yourself to always be in second place.

When it comes to my next relationship, I’m not interested in scoring a Silver Medal. My eye is on the top tier of the podium, and there’s only enough room in that golden spot for two. Getting involved with someone else’s someone isn’t going to get me to where I want to be, which is why I choose not to entertain the idea of dating a married guy.

But for some, perhaps they don’t want what is perceived by most as a conventional relationship. There are lots of people that are quite happy with an “arrangement” or open relationship or even a polyamorous relationship. If that’s the case, pursue away.

If that’s what you want, then you should have no worries finding a married man. The world is full of them.

1FineVideo- Dating Someone Overweight

The question for today is a heavy subject… what to do if you think your 1FineD8 needs to lose a few pounds? If you’ve have a problem with your date’s weight, you need to watch this video! Dateologist Tracey Steinberg and I tackle this question on this installment of Ready… Set… DATE!

Have you found yourself in this situation? Let us know and please share your experience!

For more information on Dateologist Tracey Steinberg, please visit http://www.traceysteinberg.com!

Be sure to follow me on Twitter! @CraigRogersNYC

1FineVideo- When to Ask for a Second Date

We’ve all been there… we have a 1FineD8, and we aren’t sure of the proper time frame to ask for the second date. If you’ve wondered when to ask for that second date, you need to watch this video! Dateologist Tracey Steinberg and I tackle this question on this installment of Ready… Set… DATE!

Who’s advice works best for you… Tracey’s or mine! Let us know and please share your experience!

For more information on Dateologist Tracey Steinberg, please visit http://www.traceysteinberg.com!

Be sure to follow me on Twitter! @CraigRogersNYC

D8 with a Vanilla Scone

In the immortal almost words of Ke$ha, “It’s going down… I’m now on Tinder!”

I’m no stranger to online dating, and like most I’m no stranger to the potential disappointment that online sourcing of dates may bring. From JDate to Match.com, online dating is a pretty acceptable way to put you out there. When I mentioned Tinder to friends, their reaction was very different to my other online efforts. The general consensus is that Tinder is just a hook-up site. I believe that ANY online dating site can be a hook-up site… if that’s what you’re seeking. My approach to Tinder is the same as my approach on other sites- to find quality people to date.

The bottom line to Tinder or any other online relationship-sourcing site is that although it’s a tool to get into the game, the playing field is an actual date.

One of my Tinder matches was Gerald. His profile pictures were great, and the texting was, in the exact words of my pal Dateologist Tracey Steinberg, “fun and flirty”. We decided to get together after the holidays, seeing that both of us were pretty busy. The Saturday after the New Year was the perfect time to meet for a coffee.

When Gerald arrived, I was very pleased that his profile pictures were obviously current. He was a great looking man with a very nice smile. As we waited in line, Gerald and I inspected the baked goods in the Starbuck’s case.

“Anything look good to you?” I asked.
“I always go for the vanilla scone,” he responded.
“Never tried that before. I’m eying the chocolate covered graham crackers.”
“You should give the vanilla scone a try.”

I ordered the vanilla scone and my usual Venti bold, and we grabbed a table. As we started our conversation, I couldn’t help but notice that Gerald seemed to be a bit reserved. Friendly yes, but definitely on the quiet side. As the conversation continued, I realized that Gerald was extremely introverted. Being introverted is fine, but it’s sort of like a magnifying glass that makes my own extroversion seem even bigger.

As I ate my vanilla scone, I thought that maybe Gerald had a case of the first date nerves. As a potential antidote, I started asking him questions about what he likes to do in his spare time.

Typically, when talking about pets or hobbies or other things that jazz you results in letting go of the conversational trepidation, removing the barrier potentially caused by first date nerves.

The result? It worked. Gerald told me about making smoothies with kale, puppy sitting for a friend, and that he enjoys meditational retreats. The thing that scared me was that his vocal inflection never raised, nor did his level of enthusiasm. Gerald was flatter than a Flat Stanley. Perhaps he thought our date was a meditational retreat is what I thought to myself as I polished off my vanilla scone. Eating the scone kept me awake during an exchange that was dryer than the Sahara.

Ke$ha’s lyric of “One more shot, another round. End of the night, it’s going down” didn’t apply to my date with Gerald. I didn’t want a refill of coffee, and I had my fill of vanilla. The scone was actually tasty, but it didn’t have the melt in your mouth chocolate savor of the graham crackers. Nothing was going down with Gerald. As I said goodbye to him, I thought to myself that my dating life is really no different than my hunger for sweets. I crave something with a bit more of a punch.

Vanilla

1Gr8Lesson

Regardless of your choice of “service provider”, online dating has some pitfalls. As you begin communicating with someone via text, you may feel a connection with the person. However you need to ask yourself… is the connection real?

If you are feeling the groove with an online match, take the communication from texting online to getting on line for a coffee at Starbucks.

The dialogue you share via texting is a great start, however nothing beats a face-to-face meeting. An actual date will allow you to add not only their voice to their words, but also their expressions and level of enthusiasm. You’ll be able to experience your date’s laugh, and the sparkle in their eyes.

Or perhaps not… as in my date with the Vanilla Scone. That’s why it’s important to take if off the computer screen to into a first date venue sooner than later. Don’t lose site of the mission- it’s about making a connection on a date, not on your screen.

D8 with a Glue Stick

Ever have a date that doesn’t say a word, but in the “big picture” says SO much?

I was fortunate to spend some time with Fourth-Generation Psychic Medium and Author Linda Lauren, and she taught me how to make a Relationship Collage. Having experienced a First Grade art class, I know how to make a collage.

The collage that Linda showed me how to make has a greater purpose.

As we participate in the process of dating, we have ideas, hopes and expectations as to the characteristics of our dream date that morphs into a dream relationship. We think about the type of person with which we wish to build a relationship. The purpose of a Relationship Collage is to take those thoughts and ideas and manifest those intentions into a visual. By doing so, we are also placing positive influence on The Law of Attraction, which Linda explains in the video.

As you watch, please remember that the contents of your collage are all up to you. It all depends on the intentions you want to put out there. If you take a close look at mine you’ll see my intentions, such as pictures about cooking and travel and words like “very smart”. You’ll also see some pictures where you might not understand my intention- and that’s ok… it’s my Relationship Collage. An example of this would be a picture of furniture that looks almost identical to my dining room set. This symbolizes my intention of finding someone that has the desire to build a home with me. The possibilities are endless for your Relationship Collage; just remember to include the year and a picture of yourself- Linda explains why in the video.

I hope you decide to grab a pair of scissors, some magazines and a glue stick. If you give this idea a go, you’ll see how making a Relationship Collage really helps you visualize the qualities you want in a new partner. Making a Relationship Collage really helped me to fine tune my intentions. And the BEST part is that you can always add more pictures later as you discover new intentions that are important to you.

Enjoy the video, and grab that glue stick!

To learn more about Linda Lauren, please visit http://www.lindalauren.com and check out her latest novel, Sentimental Journey!

And be sure to like the 1FineD8 page on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/1FineD8

1FineVideo- Is Your Date Rude to Others?

Have you found yourself in the situation where your date is not so nice to others? Maybe it’s to a store clerk, or a waiter… or perhaps your friend. If your answer is “yes”, you need to watch this video! Dateologist Tracey Steinberg and I tackle this question on this installment of Ready… Set… DATE!

Have you been in this situation? How did you handle it and what happened? Please share your experience!

For more information on Dateologist Tracey Steinberg, please visit http://www.traceysteinberg.com!

1FineVideo- Is Your Date Generous to Others?

Is your date interested in giving back to the community? Do they like to join you when participating in volunteer activities? If the answer is “no”, and giving back is important to you, you need to watch this video! Dateologist Tracey Steinberg and I tackle this question on this installment of Ready… Set… DATE!

Have you been in this situation? How did you handle it and what happened? Please share your experience!

For more information on Dateologist Tracey Steinberg, please visit http://www.traceysteinberg.com!

1FineVideo- How to Get a Date!

You see someone cute… do you initiate a conversation, or do you just continue admiring from afar? Dateologist Tracey Steinberg and I tackle this question on this week’s Ready… Set… DATE!

Have you been in this situation? How did you handle it and what happened? Please share your experience!

For more information on Dateologist Tracey Steinberg, please visit http://www.traceysteinberg.com!

Ten Ways to HoliDate!

Being single in a Winter Wonderland can be an interesting experience for us in the dating scene. With the hustle of the holiday season, most of us get caught up with attending and preparing holiday dinners, parties and other outings with friends and family. As a Dater, it’s easy to neglect our dating opportunities with “December Distractions”.

As Daters, we can’t afford to miss an opportunity for what could be an amazing HoliDate!

Turning that Winter Wonderland to a Wonderful HoliDate is actually a very simple thing to accomplish, and the week between Christmas and New Year’s is the perfect time to get into the HoliDating scene. Take my city, for example. There are so many things to do in New York, and with the backdrop of holiday decorations and excitement, the spirit of the season will provide a backdrop to 1FineD8.

Here’s a look at my top ten HoliDate ideas:

Turn up the heat with some hot chocolate in a romantic setting. Enjoying a hot chocolate or a coffee drink makes for a warm and tasty first date! One of my faves is Knave at Le Parker Meridien Hotel. You’re the boss when it comes to the milk to chocolate ratio, making your hot chocolate a one-of-a-kind specialized creation. For more information visit http://www.parkermeridien.com/eat/knave/

Knave provides the perfect backdrop for 1FineHotChocolate!
Knave provides the perfect backdrop for 1FineHotChocolate!

Be on the top of the world with the City at your feet! Nothing beats a rooftop bar, especially when it’s heated! Check out the specialty drinks and the view from the rooftop of the Peninsula Hotel. Great cocktails, and a view of the Fifth Avenue Snowflake that is unparalleled! For more information visit http://newyork.peninsula.com/en/fine-dining/salon-de-ning-rooftop-bar

Birds eye view of the Unicef Snowflake, thanks to the Peninsula!
Birds eye view of the Unicef Snowflake, thanks to the Peninsula!

Shopping and Skating and Snacks…. Oh My! Put the “S” in spectacular when you have a HoliDate at the Bryant Park Bank of America Winter Village. You and your date can do some fun shopping (stores close 4 January- hurry!) and take a whirl on the skating rink. Grabbing a snack at Celsius is the cherry on the sundae of this 1FineD8! For more information visit http://www.bryantpark.org/things-to-do/wintervillage.html

Fashion Week or not, nothing is more stylish than Bryant Park.
Fashion Week or not, nothing is more stylish than Bryant Park.

Taking in the holiday themed department store windows is picture perfect! Nothing says holiday like seeing the windows of New York department stores. I suggest meeting your date at Macy’s Broadway entrance, and from there head to Lord and Taylor. Walk uptown on Fifth Avenue, taking in all the store windows, and make a right after visiting Bergdorf Goodman. Head East, starting with Barney’s and ending with Bloomingdales. It’s great cardio, and the walk will give you plenty of time for conversation!

Take in the excitement of the holiday exterior of Saks Fifth Avenue.
Take in the excitement of the holiday exterior of Saks Fifth Avenue.

Keep warm with something… chilly. You’re already on the East Side from your Window Walk, so why not enjoy a famous Frozen Hot Chocolate at Serendipity! Of course, it’s romantic to share, but I always want my date to know the real me…. which is why ordering two is mandatory! For more information visit http://www.serendipity3.com/

A Frozen Hot Chocolate can be shared, but why when you can order two!
A Frozen Hot Chocolate can be shared, but why when you can order two!

Welcome aboard the Love Boat, 2.0. A cruise around Manhattan with that special someone can be a fantastic experience. From dinner cruises to rides with Carolers, there are many options, including New Year’s Eve! Check out the website below for the perfect sailing! For more information visit http://www.sail-nyc.com/NYC-Holiday-Cruise

Views of Manhattan are amazing from the Hudson River!
Views of Manhattan are amazing from the Hudson River!

Sometimes you just need a fireside hamburger! When I first moved to New York, one of my first dates as a new New Yorker was at Molly’s. This Third Avenue mainstay makes one of the best burgers in Manhattan, and the fireplace is romantic as all get-out! For more information visit http://www.mollysshebeen.com/

Mollys-pub

All you need is Love, Actually. There are lots of holiday movies from which to choose, but nothing really hits the heartstrings like Love, Actually. Enjoying this flick with your special someone before or after Christmas can make for one romantic date, especially if you include a little couch cuddling! When cuddling, all the cool kids are going undercover with Berkshire Blankets. Give one a try! For more information visit http://www.berkshireblanket.com

Keep your date under wraps with a warm and cozy blanket!
Keep your date under wraps with a warm and cozy blanket!

A little game playing can be a good thing. If you and your date are college football fans, you know that the fun begins on New Year’s Day. Need to find the perfect place to watch the Sugar Bowl? Try the SportChaser.com app! This new app will tell you the options available for watching your favorite games, be it college football in January or baseball in April. For more information visit http://www.sportchaser.com

Plan a date that will leave your date cheering!
Plan a date that will leave your date cheering!

Workout dates? No Sweat! Start those New Year’s fitness resolutions with a partner in crime! 24 Hour Fitness makes getting a guest pass super easy with just one visit to their website. You can do your own thing, or take a Group Fitness class together. With three locations in Manhattan from which to choose, you can pick the perfect place for a hot date without bother. For more information visit http://24hourfitness.com

24 Hour Fitness in Soho
24 Hour Fitness in Soho

Regardless of your home base, you can easily take inspiration from these ideas and apply them to your location. Every city has hot chocolate, all towns have cool burger joints, and ice-skating is pretty universal. One thing’s for sure… if you take advantage of the fun vibe and the excitement in the air, you’re one step closer to ending 2014 with a bang-up date!